Okay, so I was an abused adoptee.  But there are also a lot of gay adoptees out here who’ve had to layer yet one more stigma on top of the race thing.

Here’s one queer Korean adoptee’s story:

Time is running out

You must make tons of money before the world implodes.

You must take on every new and extra job you can because there might not be a next one.

You must get married before you are too old.

You must learn Korean so you can do all of the above.

You are approaching half a century.

Your number is almost up, and you are behind, a master of nothing.

Not even dealing with pain.

Korea gives me blisters

Well, not only me but everybody.

Imagine if every shoe store was a Payless Shoes or a couture boutique.

So, we must buy vinyl at the stores for Korean commoners.

Which = blisters

Kind of like Capitalism shoes on Confuscian feet, which also = blisters

Nothing quite fits right, and they rub in all the wrong places.

My new favorite subway game is to count the blisters on Korean feet

But it’s hard to tell because there are so many layers of them.

This is why so many sensible people wear socks with their sandals.

Sexy.

Choose this ROK or this rock

So I owe Uncle Sam $8,000 and that means YET ANOTHER YEAR of working in Korea without even beginning to hack away at other debts.

Do I even want to be here?  Some days yes.  Some days no.  Most days no.  I want to be given another choice.  I always want to go to the island of misfit toys, where we are all different and flawed and nobody accepts us so we make a point to accept everyone.  Sometimes I just feel trapped.

If I kiss a Korean, will that seal my fate forever?

Makeoli 막 걸 리

or, as my radical adoption reform buddies call it, “truth juice.”

Fermented rice wine.

Excellent for bonding with displaced diasporas from all over the globe at late-night strategy sessions.

1,200 won for a half liter.   That’s $1 USD.  That’s almost half the price of a watery beer and it’s twice as good.  It’s like unfiltered sake but easier on the stomach because it’s half as potent.  (And, as my friend Lenn and Willie found out, don’t buy the ginseng Makeoli – it may sound like healthy booze, but it tastes nasty!)

*************

So I was having my summer Korean English Teacher current events discussion class today, and the topic was Hagwons – those before and after school academies which break the banks of Korean families and render the students useless all day.

The Seoul school district recently put a limit on the hours of operation of these hagwons and set it at 10 pm.  Which I was told created 2 hour traffic jams in Seoul, as buses and parents competed to pick up all the students who had stayed until the very last minute.

Gyeonggi-do school district, where I work, recently proposed a 9, 10, and 11 pm limit on the hours of operation for elementary, middle, and high schools, respectively, in an effort to make education more equal amongst the upper and lower classes.  According to a post from the blog, Acorn in the dog’s bowl, there were huge protests by the hogwan owners.

I asked the teachers how limiting hours had ANYTHING to do with equalizing class disparity, and they explained that less hours available = less hours the lower classes would have to pay keeping up with the Jones’, because they WILL continue to send their kids as late as possible, even if they can’t afford it.  Korean logic for you.  However, the teachers in my class felt the proposed restrictions wouldn’t make any difference, as some hogwans had already compensated for the proposed evening restriction by opening up extra classes before school begins…What they did support was a restriction across the board on how much hogwons could charge.  (which still doesn’t improve the lives of children, under MY addled western logic)

In the economics of learning energy budget, there is, of course, only so much a child can absorb.  And in the case of the hogwons, they are basically duplicating all of the subjects the public schools teach by day – only in smaller class sizes and with more resources.  So the children are forced to absorb by night, because the parents are pouring so much money into the night classes.  And by daytime, they shut down, which of course would be the natural response.

Why don’t the Korean parents insist on their money supporting public education?  The money spent on hogwans, reappropriated, could make the most cutting edge, student-focused and accommodating schools in the world.  Answer:  because Korean parents don’t trust anything government run.  And the public school teachers themselves don’t believe there should be an end to hogwons, because it is too much a part of Korean culture.

…and here is where I go bat shit…

The only way to climb class levels historically was through passing civil service exams, which was dependent on a good education.

The best education was primarily only available to the yangban (elite class) which could afford private academies, thereby securing their position in society.

The economic miracle of Korea was orchestrated by descendents of the yangban (who have always had all the money) on the backs of the common people.

The goal is to compete (still) for the best jobs by way of passing exams to work in companies which are (still) owned by descendents of the yangban.

The economic miracle of Korea and the promise of capitalism has hoodwinked the common people into thinking they can afford academies, (enterprizes that have sprung up like weeds everywhere) which can compete with the descendants of the yangban who can still afford superior schools that the academies can not compete with.

So the whole capitalist system overlayed atop the neo-Confusionist class system equals a desperate goal, driven by a hyper effort to ascend centuries of suppression:  it is a vicious cycle made even more vicious by way of free market competition.  Education is not about learning at all here.  It’s all about being more than you are.  (and the irony is that most Koreans characterize Americans as being super-competitive self-serving people whose only focus in life is acquiring money)

So why is this grim situation under the post Reasons to stay?

Because I asked the public school teachers, if they accept this ludicrous scenario as Korean culture, what makes them come to school and want to be a teacher every day?   And the answer was that, with all that pressure to get ahead, somebody had to recognize the students as people and as individuals, with hopes and dreams and unique talents, and that they could encourage them, in some tiny way, to have meaningful lives.

God bless Korean public school teachers.  I mean, really, God bless them.

I started a group who danced at the beach, in the streets, in parks, had parties with live music, and taught lessons for free.  Oh yeah, and we had an all-girl performance group…

So there’s this guy named Art who’s all about starting a movement up here in Seoul, and I’m meeting him tomorrow to teach a couple others this rueda thing, but without the street in street salsa, it’s just not the same for me.  I tried to explain about the diy thing, but he’s too tapped into the club thing, I think because Seoul only knows that kind of scene and he’s trying to influence what little there is here.

It’s the chicken or the egg argument.  But I still think if we just danced on the street and taught beginners, we’d have twice as many interested people as we’d get from class trained, studio going, club going dancers.

So off I go tomorrow, but these are some fundamental differences of opinion, and if it proves to be in any way to have the commercial pallor of death to it, I’ll just be happy to sit and not watch. Art is good people and has a big heart, but the people have to be doing it for the love, or what’s the point?  So we’ll see…bring on the love, Seoul.  Bring on the love…

Once upon a time in America…

Will I be saying that a lot?  Wasn’t that a mafia film or something?

In other exciting news, I asked Jane to hook me up with a particular someone for a date.  He’s maybe a couple years older than me?   Or maybe the same age?  Always wears a seersucker blazer that needs ironing.  (OK.  So that clinched it for me) Volunteers a lot of his free time helping us radical, illiterate adoptees.  Anyway – not pretentious, distinguished by merit of some salt and pepper, comfortable in himself, and a good guy.  I forgot he doesn’t speak English, though, so don’t know how that would work or if it even can.  But what the hell.  I’m attracted to him, maybe I’ll like him, and it isn’t some schmo you don’t know from some place that leaves you feeling empty and hungover…

I also spent precious food money on some paper clay and am making a pose-able doll with what little supplies are available at E-mart.  It’s amazing what one can do with dixie cups and straws!  Paint will have to wait. Fabric I’m freaked out about.  I can’t imagine going to Dongdaemmon’s Fabric Mall, which is the size of a football field – literally and trying to find two perfect pieces of scrap.  Or even HOW to purchase fabric.  Do they also have the flat tables with the cranky older women with bad haircuts and even worse crafted up clothing who act like you ruined their day by asking for help?

And something is seriously wrong with my digestive system.  Anything I eat turns to liquid, and it coincided with summer vacation and not having at least one meal with lots of variety in it.   And working until all hours of the night and waking up whenver and sleeping whenever.  And I bought non lactose-free milk once because E-marte was closed and had that on my cereal, as well as  two convenience store lattes all in the same day, and now I think I have to give up milk entirely.  Is this old age, or just because I’m Asian and we’re not meant to drink milk?  Or is it just because I’m in Korea?

I think I’m finally getting to that point where, as long as I don’t deviate from the familiar or the routine, I can start to feel comfortable.  But there is always something potentially shocking right around the bend.  So I can choose to stay in this comfort zone and resolve to really like it here.  Or I can choose to be shocked and learn more.  Or I can be a cautious venturer, which is what I imagine turns those passing through into expats, as the learning is slow enough that they can hold onto their comfort bubble but there is enough newness to keep them interested.  Cultural tourist or refugee?  Crash and burn or slow and steady?  I think as long as there is adoption reform work, none of the above will bother me so much, as it occupies my free time and my fellow aliens are generous about explaining everything.

The thing that suffers is language acquisition, though.  There seems to only be room for language or reform work:  not both.

For those couple of KADs who read my Hello Korea blog:

It’s been less than a day since I started this Facebook group, and there are about 5 new members every half hour.  Maybe that should tell Holt and the other international adoption agencies something, ya think?  I mean, they claim to care about the children, but that seems to only be before they are adopted.  Afterwards, we get treated like unreasonable pests. There are A LOT of us, and even if we loved our adoptive families, being treated like this can make a person RIGHTFULLY angry.

Since when was wanting to know missing years, your name, your real birth date, how you came into being, and if you were loved  unreasonable?

If this describes you and you’ve been given the run-around in pursuit of your fundamental right to know about yourself, then do sign up for our Facebook group

So next week the subtitles should be finished for the SBS documentary.  As much as I would love to post it on Youtube for everyone, I’m going to respect SBS and not infringe on their copyright and advertising opportunities by doing so.

However, I AM going to post it as a private video for friends and family who were unable to download it from the SBS site.  I have a couple hard copies, but they do not have the subtitles on them.

Soooo,  I can allow up to 20 email addresses view the private showing.  If you’re not my immediate family and if you’d like to see it, let me know in a comment and ‘ll add your email address to my youtube private contact list.

Hopefully, there will come a time when SBS doesn’t care if it is freely distributed, but until then, this is what we’ll do…