Taking lessons has really been good for me, simply because it gives a little focus to my life apart from school.  Now that I’m doing this, I can’t imagine going back to the dichotomy of school or not school:  it’s been a poor excuse for a life thus far, and adding another dimension is so enriching, even if I am a crappy student.  I hope all my fellow English teachers DO SOMETHING besides just working for the money and living for the weekend as well.  Because that gets old, real fast.

Saturday morning after my Friday night lesson, I felt so industrious.  I made board games for my study abroad class and laminated them.  I reinforced my large English subway map (I’ve gone through three already.  This might be the world’s largest subway system, and most of the maps you need a magnifying glass to read – AND – most are in Korean.  There are only about four stations w/ tourist information centers, so my subway map is pure gold) with scotch tape so it will last, I re-arranged the kitchen dishes, I went shopping, I cooked.  Felt great.

Today I must dye my hair, go have coffee with a friend, meet another friend for the annual lantern festival in Seoul, and then write a short bio essay for YTN appealing for my family to come forward, which will be recorded on Monday.  Kind of dreading that.

I actually hate talking about adoption and always have.  I hate its constant presence in my life, even when I’m NOT doing a birth family search.  You can’t go one day without something thrown in your face that makes you hesitate, shake it off, and go on.  Hard to describe, but whenever anyone talks about their mom or dad, for instance, ADOPTION pops into your head and you have to beat it away.  Or sister or brother.  Or any mention of any family by anyone ever.  And there are hundreds of other triggering words that bring up adoption.  And you brush them all aside.  But there’s never any respite from these reminders that you never had what they all take for granted.

I just wish the whole world would stop talking about their families for one minute.  It’s always been just me.  The thought of something beyond  that is unfathomable.  It’s enough to make your whole world come crashing down, the fact everyone has what you’ve been denied.  So all that love everyone else gets hurts me.  And I have to build a shield against it all.  It’s a delicate super structure that’s taken a life time to erect.  And every reminder by people that humans have a legacy and foundations and support and, etc. rips a hole in that fabric.  And like an insect, I must repair, repair, repair.  I will spend the rest of my days repairing this shelter I have made.  Without it, I am like an organism with no skin.  raw. susceptible.

IMG_0294, originally uploaded by Almost-Human.

So I made the fish stew again, but except for the kimchi, everything else came from the market.

Not pictured are pepper stuffed cucumbers, rice, and beansprouts w/ garlic, carrot, sesame seeds, and onion in a light vinagrette.  I could make this myself, but every time I buy beansprouts I let them go bad…

Pictured are candied peanuts and sunflower seeds, white kimchi, and my favorite rice addition.  I asked In Kyung what it was (I know about it because they serve it at school) and she said, “another kind of rice.”  Yeah.  This is typical of the kind of difficulty I have trying to learn about anything Korean.  There is sooooo much lost in translation.  I mean, the very identity of it is lost in translation.

I also had something similar to this salad at school.  I think they may have added some seafood of some kind, and maybe some carrot slivers. (I ws too lazy)  But I got REALLY EXCITED when I found these greens at the market.

These greens are the yummiest thing on the planet.

See how fat and succulent the leaves are?  Very moist and refreshing, with a slightly bitter dry flavor.  Fantastic with a vinagrette.  In Kyung told me at school when I’d asked that they are mountain greens, probably hand picked.  I got a whole bagful for 1,000 won.   There was also something that looked like wild asparagas.  I will try and get it next time.

Maybe the market won’t die afterall.  Most of the side dishes can be found at E-mart and Lotte, etc. but they cost more.  The deli kimchi wasn’t very good at E-mart and the kind I buy pre-packaged in a bag there is better.  But it’s still really expensive compared to at the market.  (I didn’t get any ’cause I’d just bought a bag)  There are things they can’t sell at the market anymore, because the big chains can purchase wholesale in bulk.  But the traditionally prepared items, the medicines and the cheap goods from China will always be needed by those who are thrifty or those who don’t have the means.  Hopefully there will still be mountain greens and someone who will pick them.

IMG_0279, originally uploaded by Almost-Human.

This market is near Guemjeong Station (on the same line as me – only two stops away!) in the city of Gunpo. I noticed it and another market on a subway map while waiting to transfer. The other one is in Sanbon, and it’s probably just a fifteen minute walk further down the same street.

The GeumJeong market only had two arcades, single loaded, while the previous market in Anyang had about six arcades with another arcade running down the middle, and it was double loaded – so I’d say the Anyang one was about six times bigger. Bigger meant that a lot more market-related activities had been preserved, such as the tailor shops and gambling houses and by-product restaurants.

This market was a lot less overwhelming, however, and easier to get to, so I’ll probably shop here from now on.  But, of course, there ae more things available at the Anyang market so if I want Hanbok or bedding I have more choices there.

First things first, I had to finally try the fish-shaped desserts.  They were exactly as you would expect:  Lightly crispy outside, airy, and filled with a lot of sweetened bean paste.  3 for 1,000 won.  So that’s about a quarter a piece.  Unfortunately, she wouldn’t let me buy just one.  I managed to eat two, and three hours later when I went to try the third it was just not the same, so I threw it out.  I can see why people like these.  But not into sweet things, so just giving those of you who are curious the report.

I finally braved going ahead and actually buying food at the market (for some reason being alone and unrushed also helped)  Bought some of these side dishes.  Which wouldn’t all fit into my purse, so I had to buy an old lady cart!

They didn’t have any of the more expensive metal caged ones there, only these cloth bags w/ wheels.

Only this one is awesome because the wheels fold in, and voila!

it’s now small enough to fit in my purse for the trip to the market, yet there for me when and if I buy too much food.  I wonder if this means I am becoming an adjumma?   Which reminds me, I gotta go dye my roots right now…

These are the visors so many adjummas wear.  NOT becoming!

She with the biggest bill wins!  Seriously, all the old ladies seem to wear these things, and even some not so old women as well.  Some of the hats even have a veil around them so they look like bee keepers.

It’s the sun.  Everyone is afraid of the sun.  The visors are not to shield their eyes, but their skin – and hopefully their entire face.  They are afraid they will get tan and look like a commoner.

This is the basis of all the skin bleaching products out right now.  It’s a constant media onslaught. It’s kind of disgusting how all the European cosmetics companies have also gotten on the bandwagon, like L’ Oreal.  Anything to make a buck in Asia.  And you might have heard how they re-touched photos of Beyonce to make her look whiter…

It’s very strange to meet and talk to these women (and now they’re marketing to men with men’s lines) who have their faces bleached.  Their hands are often one or more shades lighter.  And their skin has a strange transparency to it – the warmth has been taken away.  Kind of how skin looks just after you’ve applied baby powder.

I guess the reason these things bother me so much is that it is class based, this altering of ones physical body.  It bothers me much more than the eyelid surgery.  Though if I find out that the desire to have big appearing eyes is class based or based on emulating the west, that would bother me too.

Today I had to go to E-mart and get more storage containers for my side dishes, and I noticed more umbrellas by the adjumma hats.  But DUH!  those weren’t umbrellas, they were parasols.  It made an impression on me because aside from those paper ones people use for decoration, I’d never seen functional ones before.  You can tell the difference between them and umbrellas because they are made from cloth that would totally get soaked and they have lots of lace on the edges.  Very pretty.  Much prettier than visors.  I think we need to convince the adjummas that parasols are more attractive.  And then they can beat people who don’t give them a seat on the subway.

Also by the parasols were lots of folding fans.  I might have to go back and get a couple.  In the home electronics section of E-mart there are no fans.  (see comment below) There is a great phobia here of something called, “fan death.”  So everyone has air conditioners and there are no ceiling fans or electric fans anywhere.  But hand held fans can not kill you, so those are okay.

So I had to get these at the moon goo jum, the Korean stationary store.  They cost about a buck each, and work really well.  We already had a brief Indian summer for a day or two last week, and I can tell I will be using these a lot.

Speaking of umbrellas, (by way of the parasols) it’s another unusual thing about Korea that nobody seems to own raincoats or hats here.  Everyone has umbrellas.  And they all seem totally prepared for rain at all times.  There might not be even enough to warrant being called a mist, and they will all have their umbrellas fully open.  I got one myself.  I’m not afraid of the rain like they are, but when it’s a cold rain it does suck more than a Seattle rain, so I caved in.  I got one of those old-fashioned ones that don’t collapse, – they look sturdier.  Plus mine is super cute.  all black with a white scallop on the edge, the white portion having polka dots…took me forever to pick one out.

IMG_0274, originally uploaded by Almost-Human.

Can’t wait for school Monday!

I’m sooooo looking forward to the next sleeping child. From now on, they will become good comic relief for the rest of the class!

Now all I need are the sound effects and thought bubbles, like they have on the Korean comedy shoes where buffoons bop each other on the heads…

he, he , he…am I a genius, or what?  he, he, he….

This week I played the youtube video of Daniel Johnson’s Story of an Artist. There were several classes that clapped afterwards.

Korean students are surprisingly demonstrative over things they really like, and you will often hear clapping from the classrooms in the hallways, which really is something you’re NOT likely to hear in American schools.  They’re also more likely to murmer in unison and ooh and ahh

I explained again the ethic of d.i.y. and stressed again the importance of creativity over looks or money.

Today’s class of free-talking produced the following:

One group of girls were discussing beauty.  I asked them what they were talking about, and one of the girls told me her mother thought she needed to be prettier and was forcing her to have the eyelid operation.  “How do you feel about that?” I asked.  She said she was scared.  I tell her I would be a little scared too and that I probably would never do that myself.  (however, I wonder if I’m a hypocrite, since I have pierced ears and that’s totally a cultural thing)  I told them how I was on the subway in Idae (the neighborhood around Ewha Women’s University) the night before, and how 80% of the women on the train had obviously had plastic surgery done on their eyes.  There was a slight gasp from the girls, since I think the figure is more like 50% normally.  Then I told them how in America most people like natural beauty more and that only Hollywood and very superficial people get surgery to be more beautiful.  The girls were all nodding in agreement, but at the same time it seemed like several of them had already gotten the operation.  These girls are only 16…

Across the room, some other girls were talking about skin care and girl A was telling girl B she needed to wash her face more.  To which girl B told me that actually, girl A’s skin wasn’t as great as it looked, and then she lifted up her bangs to reveal a forehead full of acne.  Maybe this is why sooooo many of the girls have heavy bangs.  A kind of self-perpetuating problem, since the bangs probably do as much to promote more acne as they cover the acne up.   Seriously, it seems like over 50% of the Korean girls have heavy bangs.  And it has a widening squashing effect by cutting their faces in half, when everyone here values small thin faces…so more length of face would help achieve that.  Oh well.

In the back of the room, another pair of girls were talking about skin.  Instead of asking each other questions, getting to know each other, and reporting the results to me, they chose to volly put-downs at each other.  Girl D told me that girl E looked like tweety bird because she was so yellow.  Girl E told me at least she wasn’t red like Girl D.  Girl D volleyed back that she was red naturally, and that maybe if Girl E didn’t use so much white cream (bleaching cream) maybe she wouldn’t look so yellow!  “It’s okay,” they reassured me “we’re friends.”

In one of the boy’s classes, four boys couldn’t bear asking about one another, so instead they took to fabricating stories about each other when I asked them what they’d learned.  Boy A told me that he couldn’t ask Boy B about his family, because really boy B doesn’t have any father or mother.  Boy B lives with his aunt, is very poor, and must get money from the government to eat.  Boy A, C, and D howled with laughter.  Boy B told me Boy A has to get an operation on his brain because he is too stupid.  And so it goes…I laugh and tell them they need to use their creativity to create better questions and to keep talking.  All around me is a cacophony of voices having similar conversations, most of them starting with the program I’d laid out but then deviating as above.

Once or twice during the class I must either yell to tone it down because my ears are going to bleed, or I turn off the lights to momentarily lower the decibels.  (I’ve been doing this all week, and I seriously wonder what this is going to do to my hearing)  Words can not begin to describe what 40+ students talking out loud at the same time is like.  And it’s not just talking, because the sound has to escalate so everyone can hear each other above the noise.  The kids are also kind of elated that they’re not being forced to listen to a dry lecture, so that also increases their volume.  Then, if they’re enjoying themselves a lot and end up telling jokes, then the laughter (especially with the girls) can turn into shrieking.  It’s seriously deafening.  Wah!  and I have a head cold so my ears are extra sensitive this week…

I asked Y where I can buy an old-fashioned counter bell, and she is having the office look into it.  She told me most teachers take the beating stick and beat the teacher’s desk with it – but to me, even that is an act of hostility, aggression, and a sign of near loss of self control, so I told her no – I can’t do that.  She said this will probably be the first time ever anyone used a bell or musical instrument to control the class.  I told her all I really wanted was a sound to signal attention

I almost always have at least one student in every class manage get the entire class to shut up if I am speaking.  I have gone from a lesson plan that has taken hours and hours to prepare, to taking only minutes to prepare.  I have gone from creating handouts to giving samples and guidelines to totally eliminating any paper.  I have gone from writing copious quantities on the board to writing only one sentence and then erasing it.  It’s working.  It’s making me deaf, but the kids are talking.  In fact, I can’t get them to shut up.  If they revert to Korean, I just come up to them and say something like, “what you’re talking about is fine – but now say it in English.”  I think this approach is helping me seem reasonable instead of frazzled.

Just like teachers for elementary kids get down to the kid’s eye levels, I make sure to get down to their eye level when they are sitting at their desks.  And to encourage them doing “good” talking, I lean in close to replicate a huddle.  (besides, that’s the only way to hear them because the din is so great)  I wish I was a little more skilled in conversation myself, or that I was more personable, but maybe my skills match their skills okay.  When they report back to me, I will step in and make the report wander and turn it into a dialogue.  And I will try and always ask a question about them that shows I’m really interested in their lives.  Then I will point out to them what exactly it was that interested me, and how I turned it into a question.  I also point out how some of their answers can kill dialogue and encourage them to give some interesting detail in their answer.  The taking turns thing is slower coming, and I believe somewhat dependent on their basic English comprehension levels.  But I think that will come too.  I bought a couple of books on free talking last week, but I have found that it is good for topical ideas only, as again there is too much reading going on.  And the sample questions become a crutch which keep the children from digging deep to come up with their own unique questions and answers.

The challenge is going to be making this topical every week and not letting it devolve into merely social hour.  Social hour would be okay as well, as long as it was in English, but not challenging enough for them.  I WISH I could count on my co-teachers to be there, as I have to neglect half the students during the feedback portion of the class – I just can’t cover the entire room of forty.  So this tide turning thing is new, but I have only been able to make real connections with about a quarter of the students, and it’s frustrating to know more connections could be made but have been lost due to an absent co-teacher (who’s English is really bad anyway)  And I can’t wait until there is an English zone remodel of a classroom for me.  I have asked for a skinny bar with stools in a u-shape.

Unlike most of the other foreign English teachers, I think there’s no need for writing, that they write enough, and that writing kills their conversing.  In fact, I believe it is the inability to freely express themselves through talking which probably limits their writing…I have instituted a new rule in my classroom that there must be NOTHING on their desks to write in or on.  Not only because it’s too tempting to use my class as study hour for other classes, but also because they have been programmed to employ methods of rote for learning, which detracts from their speaking consciousness.

and if the kids can easily and quickly transition to rotating partners without getting hung up on chairs and desk legs, then I can really get maximum exposure to all of the kids of all levels.

Tomorrow I’m going to hunt down the co-teacher and see how we can rectify this situation.  But Yayy!!!  I think I have the kids coming around…