I’m sitting here in wonder enjoying these days and feeling dangerously content, as things just seem to get better and better.

Flunking my Korean lessons was a great opportunity, ’cause now I get to review a class that was conducted too fast, an I’ve got more time to memorize some words.  Maybe I should just flunk every other exam!  It’s what is needed for me.  People ignore education needs here – needs aren’t goal-oriented…

The kitten searching jag/obsession has come to a temporary halt.  Somehow, I managed to find Korea’s public animal pound pages, and buried within I found a kitten I want.  There seem to be about four times as many animals on these pages as on the two private shelters that have English on their web pages, as well as ten times as many animals as are on the Korean private shelter websites. It’s kitten season and there are lots of litters available for adoption right now – it’s just that most of them are not for viewing until they

So I asked my good gyopo friend to call them for me, and the kitten I want requires a few more weeks nursing before it will be available for adoption.  I guess she was found as a litter of four, feral, the mother missing.  One didn’t make it and despite being two months old are behind in their weaning and growth.  I thought I had read somewhere that pound animals in Korea get put down after ten days, so I was a bit frantic as I found her three days before the last listing day.  But it turns out this pound has foster parents and that these kittens are being cared for until adoptable.

They’re supposed to call her back when she’s ready in two to four more weeks.  She looks to be possibly part American Curl, with those rounded and slightly folded ears.  What do you think?  Anyway, everyone cross your fingers for me that she thrives and goes onto solid foods successfully!  And that they remember to call back!   Send me some mojo, guys!

I’ve already done research sourcing cat supplies.  Like everything you need in Korea, you have more choices on-line.  However, buying things on-line is stressful for me, since I don’t quite trust I’ve ordered things correctly and they always want to call you if there’s a problem and there’s often a problem – delivery time, location, etc.  So I wanted to check out some stores in person, so  I went to Chungmuro Pet Street where they have a whole district devoted to the sale of pets and all their needs.  I only saw one block and it wasn’t as huge as I’d read about, but I also didn’t explore any side streets.  Most of the stores sold pets only, predominantly pedigree’d miniatures.  The shelters here are all against the pet stores because the breeders supposedly don’t guard against in-breeding so these already small, and more susceptible to health problems, pets end up having all kinds of complications.  But damn, they are really adorable.  It’s such a weird concept to breed animals to match cramped living spaces…and also weird how Anyway, I found out the kitty litter costs almost twice as much here in Korea.  The supply stores are small and cramped and look like they’re suffering a little financially, but they do have a lot more products than the department stores do.  I don’t have a cat carrier, so maybe that will be my next crafty project…

I’ve made a new friend at work.  One of the new teachers.  I mentioned to her how it was a little lonely here and she told me that the teacher culture is really weird here, so cold, and that she’s been teaching for ten years and never experienced anything like it, and that she’s having a really hard time adjusting.  So it’s not just me!  Despite her making apologies for her English, we’ve had more conversation this week than I’ve had with all the other teachers combined all last year…She also thinks our students are the rudest students she’s ever experienced.  She couldn’t believe that this was a better assignment than my last one…

I think she’s the unfortunate homeroom successor to the passive co-teacher, who’s students talk back and argue.  This morning four girls in her class DID THEIR MAKEUP for AN ENTIRE HOUR during my class.  I didn’t care too much, since we were watching a film half of the period, but still…I don’t know what’s worse – that they were being rude or that they can possibly that vain for such a long time.  When I mentioned that if they did that Monday, I would take all their makeup, they lied and said sorry, they didn’t know they weren’t allowed to do their makeup during class.  Since I can’t enforce anything as the foreign teacher, the only thing I CAN do is confiscate distractions, so I almost hope they’re rude again Monday.  This experience with this co-teacher has just taught me how one bad teacher can destroy not only respect for her, but undermine all the other teachers that follow.

The other day I noticed in my student’s book a lesson on Korean hospitality, and I asked my co-teacher if I could teach that lesson.  I’ve been kind of busy and wasn’t able to get to it until the crack of dawn this morning downloading images, and there was only one hour to throw it into a presentation today.  But it was an awesome success.  Empathy is definitely something that can be taught, vs. pity.  But I also couldn’t do it without the co-teacher’s translation.  We’re a good team.  I think this lesson, and the previous lesson about cold ways to give advice were not lost on her and I’m hoping we can have a better relationship.

After the lesson, she asked if I still wanted to save for lasek surgery and I told her yes, maybe for winter vacation.  So she suggested that I teach a few workshops during summer camp.  Her first grade classes really want to spend more time with me (like go out to eat and come over to my house – so I invited them to eat lunch with me anytime they wanted) and she said I didn’t have to teach, but could do projects with the kids.  So that’s exciting!  I’m thinking an art project, some cooking, and maybe Ukranian egg decorating?  There’s a budget – I wonder if I can source all the supplies needed?

Well, I have to go and study some Korean.

After America’s top model is over, that is…

Today in my lowest level class, half the class was participating, some of them were TAKING NOTES and one of them ASKED to review the previous lesson!  And there’s no test for over a month – they’re just interested!

These days I’m almost loving it here in Korea:  the old men have pulled out their seersucker jackets and look really dapper, the sun (I just realized I’ve been living over 2 years without daylight savings time!) greets me at around 5:30 a.m and the evenings are a joy to experience.  Though I dread the onset of summer, I’m really enjoying this little sliver of temperature that’s actually comfortable and moderate.

You know, you’d think it was summer already, what with the number of girls in shorts.  I was told by my tutor when I first got here, when I thought I was going to die from the heat & humidity when it was in the high 80’s and complaining about having to have my shoulders covered, that I have to wear some layers during this weather simply for relativity, as when it’s in the mid 90’s and above, there won’t be anything left to remove!  But that only applies for the upper half.  The lower half is already as exposed as it can be, though there is the weird phenomenon of girls wearing their shorts in cool weather with nylons underneath.  Nylons + tennis shoes just always strikes me as weird…

I was mentioning to an adoptee the other day how much Korea’s changed in the past two years since I’ve been here, and he agreed.  The dress standard has relaxed quite a few notches.  It’s now only the older salarymen wearing the suits and the younger professional men seem to be subverting the suits quite a bit.  And the professional women don’t look as stuffy…and the younger college-aged kids are looking more casual and less high fashion.

Now that I’m not with TRACK I’m actually kind of enjoying my stay here in Korea.  It’s nice not to be pressured by impossible tasks or to be in a relationship that takes more than it gives.  It’s also nice to talk with other adoptees who also question the efficacy of what TRACK does in its local context, what’s behind Jane/TRACK’s public image machine, and why TRACK alienates so many in the adoptee community here.  I’ll not go into why I believe this is so, but I will say it’s nice not to be alone with my doubts.  I’m really glad I quit.  I only wish it had been last year, when I first started having doubts.  High on my list of self-improvement is being more mindful and listening to myself more.

Didn’t pass my BEGINNER 1 level test in Korean.  So bad it’s not funny!  Well, actually it IS a little funny!  The grammar is so easy to me, but again – I. just. can’t. memorize. words.  Far too many words for my old brain to process.  They’re just marks on paper to me if not used meaningfully.  Like I don’t want to learn the word for nurse!  That’s not a relationship starter…I want to learn to say, “Hey I really like your shirt.  You have a nice smile.  Can I get your phone number?”  But it’s also not like I stress about this class either:  if it enriches my stay a little, okay.  But that’s all it is.  It’s interesting in that it’s a foreign language, and those are always interesting.  But I’ve no real interest in killing myself over it and I’ve no real delusions that it’s going to bring me closer to being Korean.  I am a twinkie.  You know, that debate-ably may or may not be an appropriate derogatory characterization of someone who has Korean parents, but when you’ve got white parents, it’s just how it is.

But my failures in Korean pay off in the English classroom.  I definitely take the obstacles I run across and create lessons that are more personally accessible for my students.  Because being taught a language in  Korean way gives me some exposure to what my students are going through.  So that helps.  And I guess I might be more like my students than other foreigners taking these classes, as I’ve really not much motivation, but am interested if it’s relevant to ME.  So that’s the direction my classes are taking and I think my co-teacher’s really happy with me this year.

Oh, and just as an aside, (taken for granted now, but just f.y.i.) did you know Korean students never raise their hand to speak?  They just address the teacher and blurt whatever they want to say out loud, interrupting.  The Korean classrooms are these strange places.  At times they seem very severe, where the students just silently have to take in data being thrown at them.  And at other times it is this seemingly obnoxious dynamic of the teacher trying to project a lesson and being interrupted all the time.

I’m a little frustrated in that the art groove I briefly had has been interrupted by my politicking for records access and my recent obsession with finding a pet kitten I can live with.  I’m also exhausted from strange things happening to my body:  I slept 20 hours straight the other day, in what seemed to be a fevered sweat.  Only no chills.  Then, I got dizzy on the MARBLE stairs (marble everywhere in Korea) and fell down.  Sexy bruises, but could have been much worse, since fortunately this happened only 3 steps from the bottom…I think it’s the onset of menopause…I vacillate from thinking, “Nooo!!!!  I’m too young!” to “Bring it on…”  I suppose I should go in for a check-up, but I’ve no idea how I’d fit it into my schedule and am fearful.  Ha!  I’ll probably die here in Korea, but I was like this in America as well.

So the cat thing isn’t a scam, and an amazing opportunity – I’m just not sure I should go for it or not…so much money…when I could get a domestic kitten for free…but I want a cat that thinks it’s a dog but looks like a leopard, damn it! And getting a domesticated leopard cat would take all my savings.  But then I want lasek surgery so I can see to paint, damn it!  But I don’t know that I’ll be able to save that much anyway.  If I were smart, I would stay here one more year, save more money, and do more work on records access.  But I have this fear of permanency here:  my family’s in the states and I didn’t know how much I enjoyed interacting in my own language and culture until I went back home winter break, and I want to get foundation art courses…

That’s the weird thing about being an expat:  everything you do is qualified by it’s relationship to your eminent departure, and everything that puts off departure can bring anxiety.   And the longer you live in this space, the more it becomes viable, and that too causes anxiety!   If I were younger, I’d be one of those who test this lifestyle in many countries and cultures.  But these days, I want to lay down some roots and test commitment and diplomacy and sustained relationships with people and places.  Because that’s so much harder and more interesting, and because I’m finally getting to a place where I can recognize my own failings and care for myself and express myself, which makes interacting with society much more manageable.  Now, if I can just squeeze a few more years out of this body, then I’ll be able to die saying I’ve actually lived well.

Kitty posting was a scam.  (sniff, sniff)  Now I’ve got to figure out whether or not I want to pursue having a pet or not…sure would complicate things…sure would be nice though.

After spending all last week working ’round the clock on web-related adoption things, with more of the same to face me, I just kind of shut down.  After sleeping most of Friday night I woke up at the same time as always and decided to clean.  And then couldn’t stop. And something about living in this shoebox kind of just made something snap in me and I decided I HAD to have more space.

So this is what I did!  I did something radical and moved my wardrobe into the kitchen so I could have that much more wall space – and snap!  What a difference!

And then I moved the kitchen table into the living room and now my painting space is in front of natural light and all the painting supplies store underneath on the former rolling t.v. cart – 10 feet of continuous surface!