I really need to write a lesson plan, but I also feel I should write a little about what I learned this week…

What I learned in Wonju
I learned the Police never invented the names of the children they found. They took the children to the City Hall and City Hall may have given the children names.  The police chief there thought it was highly unusual for two children to be on one document, but this was only his theory on what happened, because he was too young to have known for sure.  I asked about other orphanages in the area, and about the four missing days and he thought City Hall back then had a temporary child care facility.  He told us we should talk to City Hall, since they were the ones who took all the records.

At the City Hall I learned that there were no records that far back and that in the past they had purged their records every five years.  After the war, there weren’t the resources to take good records, there were too many children being abandoned, and nobody thought anyone would ever want these records.  (identity of humans and their movement seemed to have no importance?)  They never had temporary child care facilities and they always sent the children immediately to an orphanage.  The Wonju document was probably not one of their documents, but came from the orphanage.

The most senior man working there gave us his theories:  He thought by looking at me that I was only about 16 months old in the photo, (and everyone there agreed that I was definitely not 2 years old) that it was common for multiple children to be on one document and that maybe the woman in the photo was actually my grandmother (and maybe I came from a rich family, because only the rich had cameras at that time) that it was common for children to know their own name, so he thought my name Suh was probably correct.  (though I argued that a little child would know their first name more than their last name) But that actually that was before his time and he told us we should talk to the Police.  Theories all, and everyone, it turns out has many theories when a t.v. camera is filming them.  But at least this man took the time to consider everything much more carefully than the others had.

The producer and I disuss abandonment and because it was March and I was so young, she says I was probably left alone for less than an hour.  We discuss the age, and it makes more sense that I would have been less likely to have been a lost child or wandering around looking for my mother.

In the file vault at City Hall I learned that actually there were records back until 1980 and that prior to that they had purged files every five years.  They would only let us film neatly filed documents and I had to point to them  as I read.  (I suppose pantomime would help any old people watching the show)

At the Train Station I learned that it was unchanged since the 1960’s and that many children had been abandoned there.  The man who called in at KBS told us that I had been abandoned at the train station.  However, SBS found the family he had referred to and also the mother and the orphaned girl he had referred to.  She was abandoned in 1970, so it turns out it couldn’t be me.  They had also put my name: Suh, Yung Sook (I’ve been spelling it wrong, Young, even though it is Yung on my documents – ugh) in the Korean citizen database and there is no record of anyone by that name born in the 60’s.  And I guess because it has to do with taxes, it’s pretty exhaustive but not necessarily cross-referenced.  (which kind of makes me think Suh is not my family name)

At dinner I learned again (I had been in Gangneung two weeks before) that I love Gangwon-do (province) side dishes.  For example, one side dish was sage that had been deep-fried like tempura.  And the appetizer of steamed pork was to die for.

At the precinct house (also unchanged since the 60’s) where I was found (I hear these are referred to as Police boxes because they are square two story buildings – you don’t know how many Korean orphans have grown up believing they were left abandoned at drop-boxes at Police stations…) I found out that currently the police force in that district had 30 cops patrolling.  But looking at a map, the officer in charge there showed us how in 1966 the beat was just a fraction of the size and centered around Wonju’s market place.  So it was highly likely I was actually abandoned in the market.

At Shin-ae-won orphanage, (which also had not changed since the 60’s – it was really really lovely there, btw, a very idyllic place for orphaned children to be raised) I found out that none of the four orphanages kept children under age four (three years old American)  and that they were immediately sent to Holt.  If a child that age had stayed at any of those orphanages, they wouldn’t even have bothered to record them, and that explains why there are four days missing in my records and why I don’t appear on any orphanage records. They said that the photo of the woman had to be a Holt photo, because in those days nobody could afford to process photographs except somebody with money like Holt.  We only went to Shin-Ae-Won because SBS had previously been to Wonju and gone to the other three orphanages.  I found the Shin-Ae-Won orphanage by searching on the internet, which SBS confirmed and found the location for me.

That evening we met the partner of the police officer that found me.  He was 74 and looked fantastic.  It turns out that he wasn’t actually his partner – just the only one left alive that knew him.  Back in 1966, there were only 8 police officers assigned to the market:  4 in the day and 4 at night.  He was on night watch and never really worked with the man who found me.  He was sorry he couldn’t help me, but actually he helped more than anyone else, because instead of theories he had actually lived then and could tell us how things actually were handled.  He confirmed that  the woman in the photo had to be a pomo (nurse) from Holt because photos were too expensive for anyone else to have taken.  He said children were being abandoned almost every other day, and that there were too many children to be able to remember any particular one.  He said that often times the children were left with notes pinned on them leaving some information, but that most children were old enough to be able to ask their names and they could tell them.  So he theorized that part of my name might be real.

After meeting the partner of the officer that found me, I felt both resigned and relieved:  we’d pretty much hit dead end after dead end with very little new information.  But here was somebody who’d actually been there at that time and new how it really was.  My search was over, but at least I had a picture of what it was like back then.

Basically, it was an abandonment epidemic.   Later, looking at Holt’s documents, it appears that it was more like once or twice a week that a child may have been abandoned in Wonju.  It seemed like about a fourth to one third of the orphans that year came from Wonju:  page after page of them.  I can theorize that they all left them there because the people there had less resources and they knew abandoned children were being taken in by Holt.

I find out much more information while at Holt, but I have to go to school now and that’s another whole post…

The SBS documentary crew and I paid a visit to Holt Korea last Tuesday.  Unbeknownst to us, Holt has a couple of buildings.  The first building we went to didn’t house Post Adoption “Services” but did include a HOLT TRAVEL AGENCY.

My goodness, what other business ventures does Holt Korea have?  It must also have offices where, apparently, Foster Moms come with the babies prior to dropping them off at the airport, as we met a foster mom with a six or seven month old baby on her way to take a little boy to his flight to America…

The SBS producer wanted to know if I wanted to talk with the foster mom or see the baby, and no:  I did not.  I won’t tell you what I wanted to do, but it might have involved me getting arrested, so I thought it best to just stand and watch them drive off.

And so, we got back in the van and drove to their other building.

Now, I have no idea what their definition of a healthy family “support” center is.  Or even what their definition of “family” is in this case.  But it seems kind of ironic to me that it’s on the same sign as Post Adoption “Services.”  It’s also kind of sick to me that they have a guest house, because the baby’s new owners don’t live in this country, because they’re foreigners.  All three items on that sign seem like one-stop shopping, a multi-plex of services all centered around an anonymous child whose fate is in question.  This process of theirs doesn’t stop.  It just becomes more sophisticated.

I didn’t take a photo of the big multi-story banner Holt put up on the building behind the sign, but basically it is a photo of a young man in traditional Korean garb sitting on the floor at a table dining in a traditional setting, and it is celebrating Korean culture.  Again, disturbingly ironic to me as an adoptee that they sell the adoptive parents on Korean culture, when the babies will soon be stripped of it as soon as they get on the airplane.  Inside the Holt offices as well, are little artifacts of Korean culture everywhere. Things that will delight the adoptive parents but be forever lost for the children.  Things that will be totally meaningless to the children unless they come back here to live.  Even then, they will be academic concepts. A souvenir shop is not necessary I guess, since they’re coming home with the ultimate souvenir.

Even more sick is that Holt is blind to the fact that international adoption hurts those babies/little people.  They are so damned convinced by their own arguments that they are saviors doing God’s work, they think they are above reproach.  May they all be orphans in their next life, since that’s what it seems it will take for them to see anyone’s perspective other than their own.

When (if) you see Holt defend themselves in the documentary, I think their patriarchal attitude will be evident.  They have historically offered, “we have nothing to hide” even prior to anyone accusing them of that.  And I don’t believe they DO have anything to hide.  But they DO have a culture of paranoia and non-transparency, presenting theories as facts, being arbiters of what is and isn’t important, obfuscation of the facts, protectionist policies, and stone-walling attempts to gather information: so that tells me they have a conscience, they know they have things to answer for, and they are ashamed of themselves.

They are like children caught in a lie.  It’s easy to rationalize ones actions.  It’s easy to act in the name of God.  It’s easy to tell less than the whole truth.  (otherwise known as a lie) And once you have lied, you have to support that lie at all costs.  Until your life has become so complicated by the lie and you’ve invested so heavily in obscuring the lie that to confess would destroy your life as you know it.  And so the lie never existed.  But your entire life becomes tainted by the lie that never existed.  And it doesn’t matter who you hurt by denying the lie, because it’s better 200,000 children feel a loss of identity and culture than it is to admit you’ve done something bad.  Even if it weighs heavy on your heart.

Again, Holt, you say you are Christians.  What would Jesus do?  What did Mary do?  What did the Innkeeper do?  Did he try and convince Mary that giving Jesus up would be better for her in the long run?  Did he try and convince Mary that giving Jesus up would be better for Jesus?  Did he offer to broker a new family for Jesus?  No.  He offered to let them stay out of the cold for free.

And do you know why my family felt secure leaving my possible sister and me alone in the market?  Because the whole country knew that Holt took babies and sent them to what was supposedly a better life in other countries.  That’s the only reason.  HOLT’s PRESENCE is what made my abandonment an option.  And do you know what would have happened if you weren’t there?  I might have been malnourished, I might have had a hard life for a very long time, it’s true.  But without that option, my parents would have had no choice but to keep me or find someone in Korea who would.  Basically, HOLT’s PRESENCE was the catalyst for abandonment.

from dictionary.com:

cat⋅a⋅lyst

1.	Chemistry. a substance that causes or accelerates a chemical reaction without itself being affected.

2.	something that causes activity between two or more persons or forces without itself being affected.

3.	a person or thing that precipitates an event or change: His imprisonment by the government served as the catalyst that helped transform social unrest into revolution.

4.	a person whose talk, enthusiasm, or energy causes others to be more friendly, enthusiastic, or energetic.

It’s true I might have become malnourished and lead a hard life.  But I would have known my parents, my country, my culture my language, and somebody here would have loved me.  You took advantage of a nation during times of hardship.  You really should feel a deep deep sense of shame for this.

As catalysts, you’ve managed to live unharmed and even put a spin on the mass scale separation and dislocation of thousands of children into a saint-like activity.  But the chickens are coming home to roost.  The time for making excuses is over.  The apologies are long overdue.  The time for restitution is now, and you can start by making it easier for adoptees to find out ALL the information about themselves.  And please put an end to giving this gift that keeps on hurting.  Please stop exporting babies.

ADDED:  The comment thread on this post is worth checking out…

Meant to slip this in but forgot…

After the hostile take-over last Friday, on Monday I didn’t know WHAT to expect, so I prepared a quick emergency lesson just-in-case.  When I got to class, there was no Mr. Lee, so I just started teaching, and then he showed up and the lesson was already in progress, so I have no idea what his plans were.  BUT he seemed to be okay with the lesson and helped out a little.  The rest of the week I found more and more ways to incorporate him, and I think he liked it, even though he didn’t execute it quite the way I meant him to.  (instead of tossing the ball back and forth during the dialog with the student, he just tossed the ball and then the boys on his side of the room had tossed it around to each other and then the ball came up missing)  BUT, at least he was talking with the boys about the questions and encouraging them to talk.  So anyway, I think there might be hope.

The female co-teacher’s planned lesson went almost exactly as suspected and as I’d commented on before hand to her:  she’d packed in waaaay too much and had to leave out one of the five sections she’d meticulously planned and timed.  Of course, it was the portion with the most speaking.  I think she has a rough idea what a communicative speaking lesson is supposed to entail but she spends way too much time teacher-talking to be able to work through her own lesson.  For example, “and now it will be my turn to talk about this and that and I will do this and that.”  (the kids can see that we’re taking turns) Because she had tried to piece together lessons from several different sources, it was lacking in cohesiveness even though it was about the same theme.  I was also surprised to see how ineffective her own classroom management skills were when up there talking on her own.  “Please pay attention while I am talking.”  (which was one of the most impotent things I’ve ever heard a teacher say)  The second day, I pitched in more, in about the same level of support she gives me, which is a lukewarm addressing of the worst offenders.  I guess this is because I was curious to see how she would handle it, and I guess also because I wanted to see if her theory that a totally packed lesson equals kids too busy to act up actually works.  I don’t think it did, but she was pretty happy because she got to write a lesson.  Halfway through the week she decided the lesson didn’t work and inserted a youtube video of a powerpoint on the same topic, which made the lesson even less cohesive and which was awkward because she couldn’t tell whether she had hit play or pause.  I’m a little worried she thinks she did better than she actually did, but on the other hand, I also think she realizes her lesson was too long and planned out.  She did try and utilize me to illustrate definitions and to give a western background on things, and that greatly contributed to not being able to get through her lesson.  So I think she has learned how my loose lesson actually has quite a lot of thought behind it, and that the open spots are necessary for elaboration. Anyway, there’s hope there too, and she appreciates the opportunity and I’m happy to let her try it again whenever she wants, especially since it’s her neck on the line when we have our open classroom in September, which seems to be the only thing the school is worried about.

Me, instead of an orchestrated teaching extravaganza like most of the open classrooms, I would rather use the time up until September to get the kids used to speaking real dialogs in the format I’ve introduced.  While it’s a little chaotic right now, it’s much more real and I believe more beneficial in the long run.  I’ve used this ball and dialogue technique about three times now.  The first time was an absolute disaster, but by time number three they understand that toss=question and catch=answer.  I think they are also getting the idea that any writing before hand is only fodder for real conversation later.  I’m teaching them how to not kill a conversation, and what they can do to keep a conversation going.  And even if I can only go through a real conversation with one out of every six boys, the five in immediate earshot learn a lot from my coaching even if they don’t get to speak.  I think by September, we could have something pretty impressive going on, if we could do this every time so the FORMAT is second nature, not the dialogue.  You wouldn’t believe how great these boys can talk when you ask them the right questions:  like, “do you like learning English?”

Then, they’ll tell you quite a bit, like “I HATE English because…”

Getting 40 kids to talk in a foreign language has got to be one of the most challenging things in the world.

Just a quick note before I leave for Andong for 2 days:

The SBS documentary has taken about 6 hours last Friday, 16 hours on Tuesday, and 9 hours last night.  So there’s lots and lots to talk about /share with you, but there’s the already planned trip to Andong today and tomorow, and then more filming with SBS Sunday afternoon, and then try and squeeze in a decent lesson to teach for the week.

I didn’t think my story was worthy of being followed so in depth because the information I have is so thin, but there was plenty of drama yesterday at Holt’s Post Adoption Services, so the viewing public will be sufficiently entertained, and I learned enough to feel like I’ve learned all there is to know, and yet also learned I am probably younger than I thought I was, and that girl 4709 is not a twin, but maybe still a sister?  Still debating that, but I think it’s a possibility.

Thank you everyone who reads (and the recent comments and suport have been much appreciated and I will respond soon)  I will reply and write more when the dust settles.

The first thing you notice once you go into the conference room at Holt Post Adoption Services is a large plastic bank in the shape of a baby bottle,

with the following sign on it:

Something about the image of a baby bottle with money visible through it says it all.

I found deodorant in Korea! Koreans don’t use deodorant, so it’s not on the shelves – I don’t think they sweat so much, and they all practice fastidious hygiene and many wear cologne or perfume.

I never use the stuff normally, but I am forced to overdress compared to the weather, and for the first time in my life I’m sweating all the time.  Even in Jamaica, it wasn’t so bad because I could  at least wear weather appropriate clothes…

Anyway, LUSH has a store in Hongdae, and remembering that Sara’s LUSH deodorant was so awesome AND aluminum free, I poked my head in as a long shot.  They only sell two kinds of powdered deodorant.  I got some coconut scented, and next time I’m in the area I’m going to return and by the Mr. T (tea-tree oil) kind for my shoes.

The coconut is working just fine for me thus far, (bearing in mind that my expectations are always lower for natural deodorant products, but I think you have to not be a cheapskate and be generous with its application) and it’s coconut aroma is not over-powering.  I read some bad reviews of the Mr. T on-line, but I have always thought of tea-tree oil as kind of  a natural antiseptic and couldn’t imagine its aroma in the armpit area, but I think it would be awesome to put on my feet & in my sneakers.

Sorry – I just got excited:  been looking for a long time.  If there happens to be any waygooks reading this blog, I thought they might be happy to read this as well.