NOT

So a boy, Tae Young, joined my evening conversation and discussion class.  I began this class with the name game, where each of us has to add an adjective in front of our names that describes us, and we have to repeat everyone preceeding’s names before we add our own.  Pretty easy, right?  Not for Tae Young, who struggled.  Then I let him go last, so he would have more time.  We still don’t have his adjective

The conversation got pretty deep.  I prefaced the discussion with the assurance that everyone can have their own opinion and this is merely to learn other people’s perspectives.  We talked about things like, when would you like to leave home and why, is marriage necessary, should married women work or raise families or both, if you marry would you want separate bank accounts, how does money effect relationships, what do we do about unequal incomes, etc.  Tae Young would answer when it was his turn, but was painfully slow and tested everyone’s patience, but when it was other people’s turns, he wasn’t really listening.  Shockingly, he told me, “this discussion is boring.”

I was totally dumb-founded.  I let him know that wasn’t a nice thing to say, that I put a lot of effort into leading discussions, and that even though I’m a teacher I have feelings too.  And so we continued, but I cut the discussion short and pulled out a conversational board came to engage him a little more.  During the game, Tae Young wanted to know if the winner got candy.  I explained that this was just for fun, just to get to know about one another, and he was irritated that there was no prize for the winner. Moving the tables back into position at the end of class, a 500 won coin was revealed, which I picked up and put in my pocket.  Tae Young said, “I want that.” and I was about to give it to him, when I noticed he wasn’t joking or good-natured about it.  What the?

Still feeling a little upset over being criticized to my face by this weird kid, in a class which eats up half my work week evenings and for which I get paid only slightly more than the price of a meal, I went back to the office to read my email and go home.  When four girls from class burst in together and they all tell me, “your class is very interesting, teacher!  don’t mind him – he’s crazy.”  This makes me feel a little better.  Then I wonder what to do about the boy.

Half an hour later, as I’m really packing it in for the evening, in comes Tae Young.  He tells me how great his mind is, and how it was too hard to pick only one adjective of the thousand he knows to describe himself.  He starts to talk about how he must have a class where it is enjoyable if he is going to talk.  He talks about how playing games like go fish would be more enjoyable.  He talks about how it is more enjoyable if there is candy afterwards.  He reprimands me for not inquiring about his day, or about his life.  He talks on and on about this hagwon teacher who sat down and talked to him personally for five or ten minutes every day and who played games with him and gave him candy all the time.  We get into a philosophical debate about the nature of education FOR THE NEXT HOUR.

I am so upset with this Hagwon teacher, who coddled this boy in a way that made him think coddling was his entitlement.  I tell him that in no way was I going to play any game that was not educational.  I tell him that in no way am I going to reward him like a dog for behavior, and that my students or children or whatever should learn because the world opens up to them, and that learning itself should be its own reward.  I tell him that we ONLY JUST MET so we can’t have personal conversations right away, and that maybe we will grow to be good friends.  (and honestly, I was beginning to get a little creeped out by now)  I tell him I respect that he showed up to such a difficult class, and I ask him to compare how much he spoke in just this one evening to how much he was forced to speak all week or all month before.  I finally had to tell him that I was the teacher and this was how I ran my class.  I welcomed his participation, but he would have to come knowing my job was to challenge him and not entertain him.  So if he valued that, he should come.  It was up to him.

The following morning, walking to school, it dawned on me that the kid probably had Aspberger’s syndrome.  (which is possibly a form of autism in which a person does not have empathy for others and is lacking in communication skills)  I ask Y about school counseling or special needs education and there is none.  Only talking with the minister.  If there is a bad case, they refer the parents to some independent counselors.  One of Y’s friends is a school counselor, and that is a new field in Korea and not many schools have them.  And most schools do not have school psychologists or special needs teachers either.  I believe they handle special needs children by appointing someone, probably another student, to watch out for them during the day. So I don’t know what to do about Tae Young.  He will probably continue through life thinking he is really special and resenting everyone that doesn’t respond to him.  He will go on talking about himself and not listening or caring about anyone else.  The people around him will continue to think he is weird.  I will go talk to his home room teacher and let him know I think he has Aspberger’s.  But Y hadn’t heard of it before, and I imagine the other teachers haven’t either.

I know to be socially learning disabled is not life-threatening or anything, but it is hard to witness when I know with some professional coaching, he could be more engaged with the world around him.  If he returns to class on Thursday, what do I do with him?  Can I teach a child with Aspbergers to have real dialogues with people when he doesn’t care what other people think and feel?

and guess what?  it’s raining!

I’m sitting here, sweltering and dripping with sweat.  The ramen (or ramyeon, as Koreans would spell it) noodles didn’t help. (though Koreans would say increasing sweating when it’s hot is healthy for you)  I had to leave the apartment for a minute, just to get some air from 360 degrees instead of only from my window, so decided to take my recycling out, and on the way back bought the noodles.

If anyone’s ever seen me reading labels, you’ll have to laugh if you visualize me trying to separate my recycling from the five bins downstairs.  Fifteen minutes later, and I’ve still no idea where the little yoogurt drink bottles go!  Do they go with the plastic juice and water bottles?  Or do they go with the kind of plastic that tofu containers come in?  And what about the mylar cereal bag and coffee sticks?  Do they go with the plastic bags or the bottles or the containers?  Next time, I am going to cross reference the majority of the recycling with the number in the recycle symbol.  BUT, there are a lot of foreigners in my building, so the correct distribution of recycling could be skewed.

On my window ledge inside my apartment today I noticed many dead mosquitos.  I have woken up in the middle of the night all week, my feet itching and burning.  I even researched athlete’s foot…but then I looked more closely to discover my feet were basically covered in mosquito bites, or just one big giant mosquito bite.  So now the window never gets open without a screen.  How is it that mosquitos would fly up to the 10th floor?  What is the maximum altitude of mosquito flight?  I had to laugh at them, though, with their tiny mosquito brains, because once they got caught in my hermetically sealed officetel, they all die for lack of food when I leave the house for work.

During one of the classroom discussions, one of the worksheet topics was whether or not you enjoy the rain.  It was surprising how many of the students, both boys and girls, said it was romantic. OK.  You gotta love that.  I mean, I do.  16 year old boys unabashedly talking about romance.  The rat race here is so extreme.  I hope they hold onto these sentiments.  The kids are often monsters, but it’s not their fault.  I do like them a lot.

So I asked my adult Korean teacher student what Holt said in the documentary, and he said Mrs. Seol blamed their poor record of helping adoptees on the Korean government, that they needed financial help and the Korean government didn’t give it to them.  Not true, said my student, they give some money towards Post Adoption Services, just not a lot.

Well, I don’t think the government should give Holt ANY money, as it won’t be accounted for.  It only takes a couple seconds to photocopy their skinny records.  It does, however, take half a day to defend your lame excuses for NOT being helpful to t.v. stations once you’ve made a big mess and are trying to get out of it.

I don’t have the raw footage, but I know it exists and so I can paraphrase what transpired in my meeting with Holt Korea and know that none of it is slander or libel.  It’s recorded on film, these are my impressions of what was said, and the footage on file will corroborate it.

• At the beginning of our meeting, prior to my even asking these questions, Mrs. Seol began by saying all these problems were not Holt Korea’s fault because I had never spoken with Holt Korea directly.  I told her Holt International told me they would talk with Holt Korea, and that it was they who offered to be my liason.
• When asked why Holt Korea said there was  “nothing important” as an excuse not to send me my documents, Mrs. Seol defended Holt for keeping records when nobody else bothered. (I will concede this point) She also said that nobody ever imagined adoptees would return wanting to find out about themselves, so nobody bothered to take a lot of information.  (again, this may be true, but that does not exonerate them from not providing the information they have to the adoptees upon request)  I countered that what little information was there was MINE and ABOUT ME and shouldn’t be controlled by some company.
• When asked why there weren’t copies of these documents with my Holt International child records, Mrs. Seol said that documents include contracts between relinquishing parents and therefore they are confidential. I told her of course, and they still would be at Holt International, but it is a false claim if Holt International says they have all of our documents or that Holt Korea has, “nothing important.”  There is no good reason a copy can not exist at Holt International, especially since they also have total control over what we adoptees can and can’t see.
• When asked why confidentiality about relinquishing parents made any difference in the case of an abandoned child, there was no answer.
• When asked why they couldn’t photocopy the contractural documents and white out any identifying information, there was no answer.
• When asked for more information about girl #4709, they said they could not do that because there was no way she could be my sister because of our age difference.  I pointed out that they had my age wrong, that our names were made up,  and that it was highly unusual for two girls to be on one document from the same place on the same day.  Mrs. Seol claimed this was not unusual and flipped through the book for that year and showed us a couple documents that had lists of many orphans on them, with no specific information.  However, these documents were clearly designed to list multiple children.  Mine was very specific and asked specific information and was designed for one person.  I challenged her to show me another document of the same format as mine from Wonju that listed multiple children.  We flipped through the entire book, isolating each of the documents from Wonju that were of the same format, and NOT ONE of them had two children on the same document.

• When asked where Holt Korea ended and Holt International began, and why there had to be two separate companys, she said something like it became too difficult for Holt to coordinate what was going on in Korea. (which causes me to question their management skills, and why make it separate corporations unless there are financial reasons?  To me, this was the end of transparency –  yet another reason)
• When asked why their policy was different from Holt International’s, Mrs. Seol told me it “wasn’t my place” to ask about their operations.  Mrs. Seol is younger than I am, so Confuscian respect standards have nothing to do with this, and asking about their operations is very much my place, since I am a pawn of their operations.
• When asked why they didn’t just give me my documents freely, Mrs. Seol said that Holt Korea is happy to give out documents when they are asked for, and that it was my fault because I didn’t ask her for that specific document by name.  I told her I didn’t know there were more documents to begin with and how could I possibly ask for a document I didn’t know existed and, even more impossibly, ask for it by name.  (I still don’t know the proper name of that document)
• When asked why I never got a translation of my documents as requested, Mrs. Seol produced a translation sent to Holt International, which I had never received.  She said it should be up to me to get a translation where I lived, and that I didn’t ask for it when I asked for my documents.
• When asked why Mrs. Seol could not provide a list of orphanges near Wonju, Mrs. Seol said nobody had asked her for that.  I told her I had emails from Holt International and INKAS saying they had asked her for that, and they told me she had said it was, “not possible.”  She maintained that she never heard this request and that it was my fault because I didn’t contact her directly.  (OK.  Somebody here is lying, is it Holt International, INKAS, or Holt Korea?)
• “Can you imagine how it feels?” I asked her, going through this process?  I told her that I lived in America, that I didn’t even KNOW there were multiple Holts at the time, that Holt International said they would contact Holt Korea, which is appropriate since I DON’T KNOW HOW TO SPEAK KOREAN, and that of course I needed a translation of any document from Korea, since I DON’T KNOW HOW TO READ KOREAN EITHER.  Why does this have to be so hard?

Mrs. Seol was silent after this.  Which was a pleasant change, because she didn’t allow me to get a word in edge-wise, and even though I repeatedly asked her to give me equal time or to break up her talking so I could get a proper translation, she barreled on.  So for every five minutes of her talking, I would get a two sentence synopsis, and it was nearly impossible to get my questions inserted.  Nearly every question I asked was met with a nasty attitude and on several occasions, eye rolls.  She repeatedly said she didn’t have time for all this, and that if I didn’t have any questions about personal history, then she would have to leave.  And I hear she even said she didn’t have time for abuse from an adoptee.

Abuse from an adoptee.

That’s rich…

In my later conversation with Steve Kalb, when I asked him why Holt couldn’t get me a list of orphanages near Wonju, he said that Holt doesn’t have a comprehensive list of orphanages.  I didn’t ask for a comprehensive list.  I only asked for help with the names of orphanages near where I was abandoned, so I could begin a search in person.  I told him that by searching on the internet I had found a couple myself, but why is it that Holt Korea says it’s “not possible”?  I asked him, “Doesn’t Holt know where it gets its human bodies from?  How is it Holt doesn’t know which orphanges they work with?  Or isn’t Holt in the orphan business?”  Silence on the other end.

These are the kinds of questions I and anybody in my situation would ask.  And these are the kind of lame answers we get in response.  Again, the lack of responsibility on Holt’s part was criminal.  The history of abandonment and relinquishment in Korea was soul crushing.  The lack of information was understandable.  But to continue in this practice and to make it so difficult for adoptees in search to get information about themselves is NOT ACCEPTABLE.  The past was the past, but the creation of orphans and sending them out of the country, as well as this continuing injustice and maltreatment of adoptees HAS TO END NOW

Four days later, I am beginning to be able to gather the impressions people have had of the show.

It’s been very difficult to ascertain because of the communication gap that exists due to most people’s English speaking levels.  Mostly, I hear how sad it was.  But I am coming to believe that “sad” is a catch-all word, and that the impression is more nuanced than that.

At lunch my Korean friends told me they had never heard about the bad side of adoption before, and that this was important for them to hear:  they had often said in the past that they wished they had been adopted to America.  One of my adult students said he was in tears.  Just now on the roof, a Korean English teacher, with an excellent command of English, told me he hadn’t realized how frustrating it was to be separated from ones identity.  He opined that he felt it was the fault of the Korean government for sending children away with no regard to how it affects the children and separates them from their country and culture.  He expressed how now he can see things from the adoptee perspective and his opinion was greatly changed.  Many students in my classes mentioned the show and several of the boys wanted to talk to me about it.  One offered to teach me Korean (maybe I should take him up on it) and another said, “my country is (makes crazy sign at his temples).  Not me/us, but the country.”  I asked him to help me change it, and he nodded his head.

I am, to say the least, very very ecstatic over this.

People are asking me about how the adoption fees are spent and where the money goes.  Seven Star spoke again about the time he escorted children to Europe for Holt.  There were two escorts, and each were in charge of three children.   He said they were not paid for this.  I told him how Holt charges the parents escort fees.  I told him about Myung-Sook’s being forced to escort children to be adopted (for free while the adoptive parents presumably still paid for escorts) and how emotionally heartbreaking it was.  Everyone was outraged and said that the Korean people need to know.

Yes, they do.

I told them how HOLT thinks its okay for them, a COMPANY to hold our information from us.  I told them how it’s okay for HOLT to drop a bomb on girl #4709, but that it’s not okay for any of girl #4708’s sentiments to be passed along, because that constitutes CONTACT, even though only HOLT knows her identity and contact information.   What would be more shocking, a phone call from Holt after 40 years out of the blue?  Or a letter from Holt that included a friendly note from me with an explanation of why I was inquiring after her?  Because of the way they handled this, they have scared her away and possibly ruined the only chance I have to learn the truth.  I told them that there is a special place in Hell for HOLT, and they all agreed.

I am, to say the least, feeling very very good that I’m not the only one that thinks so.

Some more information has come to light about my search that I’m not at liberty to publish, since Holt is reading my blog now, but I guess I can say that this chapter is not quite yet closed.

It was a mistake for HOLT to treat me so callously.  It was a mistake for HOLT to lie to me.  It is a mistake that HOLT continues to put policy over human decency.  They say they are protecting girl 4709, but really, what are they really protecting?

Answer:  their own self worth.

The documentary can be seen at THIS LINK

You MUST be on a PC, as none of the streaming Korean programs like Macs…

Before watching, you must take the following steps .  (sorry it’s so involved)

1. at the above link page, click on this button that looks like this:   (to the right of the image and episode title)
2. run the little media interface program after it downloads
3. a pop-up window will appear.
4. click “I agree” to the two terms of service areas, and then click on “foreigner in overseas” or “foreigner in domestic.”
5. fill out all of the information they ask of you

At this point, I’m not sure if it starts streaming the episode or re-directs you back to the original  link so you can watch.  If it does, you might have to click on the button that looks like this: 

which is the watch for free button.

.

Unfortunately, I can’t watch it because I clicked on “foreigner in domestic” and when it got to my email address, gmail was not an option for me, so I have to figure out how to get a Korean email address, if that’s possible.  I tried to change to “foreigner in overseas” but it knew my dns was in Korea…Also, my version of Windows on my Mac Parallels does not have the Korean language pack installed, and my OS CD is in America…

SBS will be sending me the CD in about a week, so I can send friends and family a hard copy upon request.  The show will be transcribed and subtitled in English within two months for the adoptee community.

I was somewhat ambivalent about my portrayal, but people here assure me that the show was presented in exactly the best way for Korea to empathize and understand how international adoption violates our basic civil rights.

The machine translation of the text on that link page indicates that they did portray the problem with intelligence and sensitivity so I look forward to reading the transcribed subtitles.

Stick with it trying to register and log on!  It took me several tries to figure it out…

ADDED:  if the little media program you downloaded loads correctly, THAT is what shows up as a pop-up.  If the instructions during the loading process show Korean on the buttons, know that (N) stands for “nae,” which means yes, and the button with the (A) stands for “annio,” which means no, and keep hitting whatever choice is highlighted after that.  When you are finished, there will be a little media player on your desktop.

As for the rest of the registration process, it will open in a new window that looks the same as the blue button.  If anyone is able to make it through and actually log on, please share it with another frustrated foreigner friend or family of mine!  Thanks!

Or wait until next month when and if I can get the English translated version…

Heres’another teaser, but honestly, I am so wiped oufrom the filming and especially the talking with Holt, that I have decided to just give you the links to Flickr sets where I have grouped them together.

I will, however, post from the collection occassionally if it relates to a post thematically.

So here goes:

Do-san Seowon – This was the Confuscian Academy for elites.  Very impressive.  There was an English tourguide, but he was on vacation and I got stuck with a woman who wanted to tell me all about her sister in California.  I learned more from reading the signs, which I took photos of because she kept wanting to drag me on to the next thing.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/19714181@N05/sets/72157619576216666/

We also visited the memorial mesum to Lee Juksa.  He was a poet and anarchist whose dissident writing was NOT appreciated by the occupying Japanese, who jailed him 17 times.  I guess his two brothers even died while in jail.  He’s a national hero, and his descendents run the memorial museum.  It’s a very classy museum, and there were quite a few people visiting.

Hoejae’s (pronounced Hwehjae) Burial Mound – this was located about  100 meters from the residence of Sujoldang.  There are two mounds, the lower less elborate one is his daughter’s.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/19714181@N05/sets/72157619575841630/

Rural Andong – these are images within walking distance of Sujoldang.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/19714181@N05/sets/72157619492024919/

Sujoldang – This is where the philosopher Hoejae’s direct descendents live.  The big farmhouse like building was always there, and the small collection of buildings (which are registered as a national treasure) were close to Do-San Seowon at one time, but were moved to this location after the damn was erected.  One of the buildings photographed’s sole purpose is for ancestor worship, and inside is a reliquery for Hoejae.  Nine stone’s mother & father in-law live in the house like all their ancestors before them.  This year they must move to the big farmhouse, which has been remodeled to include some modern conveniences and will eventually become a guest house) while the government works on repairing and restoring the buildings that are considered a national treasure.  A film crew was there the week after, and the buildings will be featured on a t.v. show this weekend.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/19714181@N05/sets/72157619575789726/

Yi-Hwang’s House – Another continuously occupied treasure, this large compound housed a famous neo-confusionist named Yi-Hwang, and also served as a school for select pupils.  Nine stones father-in-law came and I think we got special treatment as a result.  They gave us drinks and a copy of Yi-Hwang’s list of ways to live a proper life, written when he was ten years old.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/19714181@N05/sets/72157619491976067/

Bong Sung Temple – These are from a buddhist temple.  The temples here are a lot less ornate and ostentatious as the ones in Thailand.  They seem to be more in harmony with the natural surroundings and celebrate them.  (for example, stacking the stones vs. some highly refined prayer)  The monks seem more about private work than catering to the populace as in Thailand.  This temple also had annexed to it two smaller groups of buildings, and one of them is pretty much perfect:  in scale, harmony, relationships, materials, landscaping.  My photos can’t capture how wonderful the spaces in this place were.  I had to imagine what it was like without the dozen or so people always getting in my way.  But even with their distraction, it was really serene.  Just perfect.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/19714181@N05/sets/72157619491893455/

Byeoungsan Seowon – This is another Confuscian academy for elites.  But twice as large.  The grounds were quite large, actually.  It was unique in its architecture in that it was much more essential, plain, and just naturally beautiful, and time and heavy use only accentuated its beauty.  I guess it’s quite the mecca for architects who travel here to study it with a microscope, in the same over-academic way Greek temples are studied for the slight entasis of the columns, and the forcing of perspective, etc.  This Seowon has breathtaking views, sitting on the bluffs of a river and looking across at cliffs.  Supposedly it was designed to be perfectly aligned with the valleys between all the mountains visible in the distance.  And the main classroom, the pavillion where so many of these photographs are taken, seems to just float in the sky when you are sitting there.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/19714181@N05/sets/72157619575267756/

All during the trip, everyone worried where I was when I would lag behind trying to get good photos. (especially without tourists taking photos of each other)  But eventually they realized I just wasn’t ever going to catch up.