Today on the roof, two Korean smokers, one Korean adoptee smoker, and one Seven Star were huddled at the top of the stairs (Nine Stones uncomfortable because he’s technically standing IN the building) smoking, smoking, and inhaling second hand smoke, as torrential 45 degree monsoon rains pelted them despite the canopy overhead.

Y informed me that Seven Star wants me to stay in Korea and has decided to be my agent.  He is going to get me a job in Gangnam, where I will make 5 thousand won a month.  You mean 5 million won a month, Y informed him.  That’s right, 5 thousand he says.

Somehow Seven Star is pushed out into the rain, and he turns to me and tells me the rain is acid.  Y says that if I let my hair get wet, then it will all fall out like Seven Star’s.  She is always poking fun at people.  She’s actually very mean!  You can tell she pushes the envelope, just by the look on people’s faces…but it doesn’t matter with Seven Star, because he thinks all her mean comments are hilarious.

Soaked, we ran downstairs and into Seven Star’s office, which is actually the large empty class where I am not allowed to teach, but which will maybe become the English Zone next year.  I told him that it was not his office, but my English zone.  He thought this was hilarious.  I told him sorry, but it was mine, and I was going to paint the walls yellow.  The other teachers all doubled up in laughter.  (I don’t know why – is yellow funny? Oh – wait, maybe it’s because I think I can actually paint it…)  There was a big slate map of Korea resting against the wall, and Seven Star points at it with his big naked toe.  Y asks him if he teaches that way, pointing with his ugly feet.  He continues to give us a geography lesson, pointing with his naked big toe and rubbing his feet all over Korea.

Turns out the Andong crew I went with is planning a trip to an island called Tsushima, which is between Korea and Japan.  Dokdo island to the north east is hotly disputed between the two countries.  I guess Korea has a lot more historical documentation on Dokdo from waaay back, but the Korean president Syngman Rhee stupidly focused on Tsushima (which it doesn’t have a lot of historical documentation on) when agreeing on territorial boundaries after WWII, neglecting to mention Dokdo (probably because it’s really small and looks worthless) and so weakened their position on Dokdo.  It’s just a tiny craggy rock/tip of a volcano, but Y says the dispute is really about natural gas reserves there…

The funny thing is that Tsushima is definitely a Japanese territory, but a large percentage of its revenues come from Korean tourists who hold onto Syngman Rhee’s claim on Tsushima, so they like to visit what they think should be theirs.

The trip will be directly following the end of summer camp (the school is open for two weeks in the summer, and many of the teachers have to teach and many of the students’s parents make them go) and will cost about 200,000 won.  I guess Seven Star is famous for making his historical tours and running historical commentary, while making everyone do ridiculous things to save a buck.  So the round trip ferry ride alone costs over 100,000 won.  That with two nights accommodations, travel and food expensives, 200,000 is really frugal.  But, with back bills and birth family searches to save for and Korean lessons, I don’t think I’ll have enough money.  That’s okay, Seven Star says – he is rich and will lend the money – with a very low interest rate. (just joking)  Young-a tells me to take the money and then leave the country.

I do like this odd little crew of trouble-makers!  So glad I’m hanging with them, and not the other Korean English teachers…

I believe that is blood-filled sheep intestines, which is how my stomach feels right now after teaching class 1-1.  I was all excited to play them the movie “Scratch” because it’s the last lesson before summer break.  But they didn’t give a shit.  So I turned the damn film off midway and lectured about the American school system and university requirements.

Sara’s friend Mark couldn’t believe I might sign up for this place again next year, and I told him that if I got an English Zone, where I could have some control of my environment, that I’d like to see what I can do with all the disadvantages related to environment eliminated.

But just like being asked about how long I want to stay in Korea, that was yesterday.  Today I just have this burning feeling in my stomach, and I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve had too much coffee, or too much kim chi, or if it’s the beginning of ulcers, or what.

Yesterday I saw a show following two foreign food critics eating their way across Seoul.  It was grossing me out, actually, seeing them masticulating so much.   But anyway, one of them was eating Sundae and said it reminded him of haggus.  So now that I’ve eaten Sundae, maybe I can also cross off haggus as a thing to try.  Even though my last name is Scottish, I am quite content to limit myself to shortbread cookies as my adopted parent’s heritage contribution.  I am also quite content to limit my Sundae eating to one or two bites every other year.

I saw a t.v. commercial for marble beds.  Platform beds, with sheets of inlaid marble instead of a mattress. The jim jil bang had a marble floor that we slept on.  It was NOT good for a night’s sleep, so like many things about this place, I am totally bewildered.

So I’ve always hated my bed, since it takes up half my apartment and it’s too big.

Lately, ever since Willie and Lenn came over and he had to sleep on my yoga mat and exclaimed how it was more comfortable than his bed, I’ve taken to doing the same.  Plus, it’s right by the window and under the air conditioner if it’s too humid for fresh air.

Note the Hello Kitty folding table!  Now, I never was into all this cutsie stuff while in the states, and people here have pointed out that those are children’s items here, but it’s sooooo damned sophisticated and stuffy here – people dress like they’re going on a date to a cultural event just to go to work, etc., so I’m rebelling by suddenly having great affection for all things child-like.  Anyway, this was the last one at E-mart, and it had no price tag on it.   So I had to suffer while they did a price check, and it was only 10,000 won!  That’s over half what the plain faux wood ugly ones cost, and it’s only about $8.00.  Can you imagine what this Sanrio table would cost in the States?

I got the folding table because a) I had nowhere to study Korean and b) I had nowhere to eat, since I leave my laptop permanently at the dinette table, because I fall asleep with it and all the lights running if I take it anywhere else.  My bed is now my desk/work table, with projects strewn across it.  I also eat at the little folding table now, in true Korean fashion.  (well, not really, because it’s something stupid like a bowl of cereal)

Just thought I’d share that with you…

Oh, and this was not the first time I scored big at E-mart on an unpriced item.  Now, I kind of look for odd items on purpose, as they seem to be last season’s things that didn’t move or something, but because they are the only items, they don’t warrent getting a sale display.

Still agitated about the comment on my crappy language acquisition.

Well, for those new to the story, I spent my whole life bristling at the mention of the dreaded K word and avoided people from there whenever possible.  Except for one week of camp when I was 12, I never even knew any Korean people.  I only met one personally three years ago and she’s a gyopo.   The kids at camp were all gyopos.  That’s over forty years and never met an adoptee…

The first time I met any KADs (korean adoptees) was the end of last summer, when I went to a local KAD meeting in Seattle.  I only went because I had a nervous breakdown the winter beforehand and realized I wasn’t going to make it to 45 if I didn’t look in the mirror and acknowledge the source of my wounds.  I only went to that one KAD meeting and a book reading by the KAD author, Janine Vance.  I’ve only read that one book about adoption and  also Outsiders Within by Jane Jeong Trenka.

I am brand new to adoption land and Korea land.  Pretty freaking incredible, what people do to survive and protect their fragile hearts…

Meanwhile, the economy in the U.S. tanked and overnight my job dwindled to maybe a week’s work a month.  I tried to get other work, but was unsucessful because I was over qualified and expensive, companies were laying people off instead of hiring, and there were too many younger cuter happier people to hire.

So I decided to come to Korea and check out this thing that I denied and yet which oppressed me my whole life, but knew zero about.  This was just a couple months before I was to get on the plane and go.  In that time, I had to kiss all my dreams of what I’d wanted to accomplish in the states goodbye, liquidate all the things I’d collected in a lifetime that I loved, and say goodbye, maybe permanently, to the few friends remaining who had weathered the breakdown with me, and try and study Korean in a vacuum by myself with my middle aged brain cells when I wasn’t crying. This was not a fun exciting reinvention.

So no, Mei Ling, I don’t know jack.  I’m retarded in the most literal sense. Does that make you feel better?

And I’m documenting just how retarded I am, even though it slows my progress down even further.  I’m doing it for anyone who cares about me and anyone who might be interested in the perspective a Korean person trapped inside a white person trapped inside a Korean body views this place and these people who threw her away to be exiled and abused in another country.  I’m here to learn why and how to prevent it from happening again.

Rant over.

Now, I have to make a power point presentation for the adoptee conference at the end of the month.

The parking lot below my window…

All black, white, or silver, with one blue van and 1 blue truck, and one white morning spec.

Notice the parking stripes.  See how they’re closed boxes?  Maybe I’m reading too much into a parking lot, but this is definitely a stay-within-the-lines kind of place with limited choices.

Today I saw a red and black and checkered MINI COOPER!  I wanted to kiss it, but it was moving…

Also, I’ve been able to actually complete my Korean homework assignment and speak a little two weeks in a row!

And (sniff, sniff) one of the 2nd year students I was proctoring a test for today looked JUST LIKE DAVID.  I couldn’t stop staring at him and wanting to give him a big hug.  I miss my kids!