Still agitated about the comment on my crappy language acquisition.
Well, for those new to the story, I spent my whole life bristling at the mention of the dreaded K word and avoided people from there whenever possible. Except for one week of camp when I was 12, I never even knew any Korean people. I only met one personally three years ago and she’s a gyopo. The kids at camp were all gyopos. That’s over forty years and never met an adoptee…
The first time I met any KADs (korean adoptees) was the end of last summer, when I went to a local KAD meeting in Seattle. I only went because I had a nervous breakdown the winter beforehand and realized I wasn’t going to make it to 45 if I didn’t look in the mirror and acknowledge the source of my wounds. I only went to that one KAD meeting and a book reading by the KAD author, Janine Vance. I’ve only read that one book about adoption and also Outsiders Within by Jane Jeong Trenka.
I am brand new to adoption land and Korea land. Pretty freaking incredible, what people do to survive and protect their fragile hearts…
Meanwhile, the economy in the U.S. tanked and overnight my job dwindled to maybe a week’s work a month. I tried to get other work, but was unsucessful because I was over qualified and expensive, companies were laying people off instead of hiring, and there were too many younger cuter happier people to hire.
So I decided to come to Korea and check out this thing that I denied and yet which oppressed me my whole life, but knew zero about. This was just a couple months before I was to get on the plane and go. In that time, I had to kiss all my dreams of what I’d wanted to accomplish in the states goodbye, liquidate all the things I’d collected in a lifetime that I loved, and say goodbye, maybe permanently, to the few friends remaining who had weathered the breakdown with me, and try and study Korean in a vacuum by myself with my middle aged brain cells when I wasn’t crying. This was not a fun exciting reinvention.
So no, Mei Ling, I don’t know jack. I’m retarded in the most literal sense. Does that make you feel better?
And I’m documenting just how retarded I am, even though it slows my progress down even further. I’m doing it for anyone who cares about me and anyone who might be interested in the perspective a Korean person trapped inside a white person trapped inside a Korean body views this place and these people who threw her away to be exiled and abused in another country. I’m here to learn why and how to prevent it from happening again.
Now, I have to make a power point presentation for the adoptee conference at the end of the month.