Week two of playing The Chronicles of Narnia to my students. At over 2 hours long, it’s going to take four weeks to complete this film. I stop the film (with some complaining) whenever I encounter vocabulary I think needs expounding upon. For safe quarters, I told the students that quarters were private spaces where one was free to talk openly. Despite stupid comments from stupid people, that’s what I consider this blog to be. All my friends and family and one irrelevant jerk.
I hate moving. I used to love it – I used to love reinventing myself and my environment, but now after TWENTY SEVEN addresses, it’s wearing a little thin. At 45 and 27 addresses, (I have 25 and there are 2 missing) you come to realize the grass is not always greener and you can’t really reinvent yourself: the scenery may change, but you, with all your traumas and your broken heart still remain. (come to think of it, if you include the orphanage and my first family, that would make at least 29 addresses) In my defense, I did live in the same state for 24 years, and Seattle for 17 years.
The worse part is the packing and unpacking. I’ve played tetris too many times to count this week, procrastinating. And I’m still not over 100 points and never will be. And I procrastinate because the only way I can pack is to music, and the only music I have stabs my heart, reminding me of people I’ve loved and how when they listen to this music it reminds them of me but their hearts are fine and their eyes are dry. And this is why I haven’t listened to music in two years. And I love music.
Jonathan’s Korean counterpart sits across from me one table removed at lunch. He’s the new biology assistant teacher, and I try hard not to stare at him. He’s like this damned packing music. So I stay at my desk and look at the job boards again, and come down to lunch late so I don’t have to sit in silence in a group of people talking Korean to everyone but me, or have to see that boy/man and feel like the old heartsick fool I am.
Miwha canceled our dinner date yesterday because her body and mind were sick. She hates her life as a housewife and hates her typical salary man Korean husband, so I’m imagining the worst and sent her Tom Waits’ You can never hold back spring to honor her melancholy yet remain optimistic.