Reverse Adoption

Letter to my female adoptee friends:

I need a mother.

Not just any mother, but a mother who’s known loss.

I need to live with a real family.
I need to live this culture and stop looking at it through a lens.
I need to be validated.
I need affection.
I need…

I was thinking last week, that I should advertise for a mother.  I should ask to be adopted.

I need a reverse adoption.

I’m dead serious.


Were the Mindeullae moms only those who were reunited?  Or those denied?
I thought they were beautiful.  Is there some way I can contact them?

I would help pay for expenses.  I would be a good respectful daughter.

I would like to set up a reverse adoption program for returning adoptees who haven’t been reunited, or for returning adoptees who would just like to do a homestay.  I would like returning adoptees to meet relinquishing mothers.  I think it would be frustrating, rewarding, and healing for everyone.

Your thoughts welcome,


I quit my Korean lessons today.

Because I am too busy.  Because the lessons in text books aren’t relevant dealing with real live Koreans.  Because hearing you must study Korean very hard makes me want to cry, makes me want to rebel, makes me feel rejected as inadequate.

I can only learn about one word a day, IF that.  More like a word a week.  My brain is molasses, mid-life extra-thick aged molasses.  If it’s not relevant and used, it remains out of my reach – something I heard, but can’t quite connect.

I need to live with Koreans.  That’s all there is to it.  It’s the only way THIS particular person can learn THIS particular language.  Not so with other languages.  But THIS foreign language of my birth is beyond academic study.  Each word is coated with a hard shell.  Each word has too much significance and is loaded with pain.  I need to have someone who cares about me have the patience to wear down the hard outer layers, bouncing them off me again and again and again until they are soft enough to absorb.

TRACK is looking into setting me up for a home stay.  But really, I want to meet a family who will be committed to me, and I want to be committed to a family.  Someone who has experienced loss and who can have some empathy, and I can have empathy in return.  Someone who will be patient with me as I grow from age 2 AGAIN. Someone who has nurtured their children from pre-verbal to pre-school and are willing to do it again.

Language is meaningless if it isn’t communicating something to someone.

I have no one to relate to.

and I can’t do meaningless.

One thought on “Reverse Adoption

  1. I read your post and was at a loss for words, so I decided to take my dog outside to go potty to think about it. I then spotted my potted daisies, which I needed to throw away last week because I thought it was dead. Today, there is new growth. I realized if I hadnt procrastinated and thrown them away last week, I would not have been able to see the green sprouts – it would be in the landfill, probably buried amongst all kinds of mucky muck. I think it’s ironic you mention how your tutor prefers to speak to Jane, because I just read her two books….Language of Blood and Fugitive Visions in which she discusses her frustration with learning the language and her inability to communicate effectively with her Korean sisters and brother. How does this connect?

    Sometimes I give up on myself too early because I impose too high of expectations on myself and I dont see results quick enough to satisfy my patience level or I ignore the advice I give to my sons…Don’t compare yourself to others as you will always find someone who has more and conversely, someone who has less. Sometimes, moving forward requires taking a few steps backwards to get where you are supposed to be.

    Sometimes this self-imposed expectations can actually limit us. It may take time to allow things to unfold and develop as they were intended. Allow yourself to enjoy the experience of getting there and you may find something unexpected happen. My procrastination unknowingly has produced something good.

    I don’t mean to sound patronizing or judgmental(or even worse, like a blind optimist) in this post, so I hope I don’t come across this way. Please know that you have supporters out there who are sending good thoughts into the universe for you.

    I wont give up on my daisies and I truly wish for you to be able to have some positive results soon.

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