Letter to my female adoptee friends:
I need a mother.
Not just any mother, but a mother who’s known loss.
I need to live with a real family.
I need to live this culture and stop looking at it through a lens.
I need to be validated.
I need affection.
I was thinking last week, that I should advertise for a mother. I should ask to be adopted.
I need a reverse adoption.
I’m dead serious.
Were the Mindeullae moms only those who were reunited? Or those denied?
I thought they were beautiful. Is there some way I can contact them?
I would help pay for expenses. I would be a good respectful daughter.
I would like to set up a reverse adoption program for returning adoptees who haven’t been reunited, or for returning adoptees who would just like to do a homestay. I would like returning adoptees to meet relinquishing mothers. I think it would be frustrating, rewarding, and healing for everyone.
Your thoughts welcome,
I quit my Korean lessons today.
Because I am too busy. Because the lessons in text books aren’t relevant dealing with real live Koreans. Because hearing you must study Korean very hard makes me want to cry, makes me want to rebel, makes me feel rejected as inadequate.
I can only learn about one word a day, IF that. More like a word a week. My brain is molasses, mid-life extra-thick aged molasses. If it’s not relevant and used, it remains out of my reach – something I heard, but can’t quite connect.
I need to live with Koreans. That’s all there is to it. It’s the only way THIS particular person can learn THIS particular language. Not so with other languages. But THIS foreign language of my birth is beyond academic study. Each word is coated with a hard shell. Each word has too much significance and is loaded with pain. I need to have someone who cares about me have the patience to wear down the hard outer layers, bouncing them off me again and again and again until they are soft enough to absorb.
TRACK is looking into setting me up for a home stay. But really, I want to meet a family who will be committed to me, and I want to be committed to a family. Someone who has experienced loss and who can have some empathy, and I can have empathy in return. Someone who will be patient with me as I grow from age 2 AGAIN. Someone who has nurtured their children from pre-verbal to pre-school and are willing to do it again.
Language is meaningless if it isn’t communicating something to someone.
I have no one to relate to.
and I can’t do meaningless.