Not ready for prime time


So here’s the KBS show I was on, “I miss that person.”

I wince thinking about this and posting it, but I know some of you would like to see it.

Just a disclaimer, my face is contorted a lot of the time, because I’m somewhere in between trying to smile and trying not to cry.  And I sound really awkward because I’m somewhere in between talking extra s-l-o-w, and to stop often so she could translate, as the interpreter asked me to, weirded out because I have to answer questions from people to my left and right yet look straight ahead at the camera, and trying to control my emotions while trying to remember (badly) what I wanted to say.  So the end result is something strange and full of ticks.

Sorry there’s a little overlap and you’ll have to hear a little of it twice – It took a whole day to rip this, and then another half day to upload it, so I’m just going to live with the mistake…sorry…

By this time all I could think was, “can I go now?”

The woman with green hair and clothing is supposedly a famous author.  She’s always on this show, and I guess her job here is to be something like a rodeo clown.  To break the tension or add another voice & distraction.

By this time I was totally not present anymore, so I couldn’t even think at all.  Stupid.  There were some activist points I wanted to make and some thought provoking things about adoption I wanted to say. Then another guy went on and his story was interrupted because of the phone call.

Well, that’s it.  It’s been two months and there’s been no follow up contact since they called to tell me they’d found my aunt and then called to tell me it was a false lead.  So I have no idea what’s going on with the investigation, or if anything the man who called in said was true or not.

But the interpreter Eun Seong is now my Korean tutor:  She’s great, and it’s costing me the same as if I went to a University class, only I’m certain the one on one instruction is better than what I will get there, at least to start with.

Tomorrow it’s more of the interview for that magazine and to get photographed.  Oh God, why can’t I take a good picture? I’m actually really pleased about being in this magazine article, because it’s not a one shot live thing, and I was able to say something meaningful and important.

And I’ve no idea when the YTN news segment aired or is going to air.  When they’ve finally posted it on their website, I’ll provide the link for you.  Hopefully the editors can cut out my weird ticks in front of the camera…

5 thoughts on “Not ready for prime time

  1. This was amazing!!! This is actually what i imagined when you said you were going on tv, but you look so korean! maybe its the outfit i dunno. my favorite part was the wonderful k-drama music going on in the background as you made your exit. It did look kinda like it was confusing to look straight ahead and concentrate on three people talking to you in different languages. You had pretty coherent answers though so be proud of that! and you know you got some adjummas cryin somewhere out there in KBS land. you really dont look nervous at all. BRAVO!

  2. but you look so korean!

    You dork! I AM Korean! ha ha ha!

    This is why Koreans are always stopping me and asking me for directions…the Korean-looking outfit was actually purchased in Seattle. The shirt came from a discount hoochie-mama store next to Dick’s Drive-In, the wrap-around shirt is second hand Michael Stars, and the skirt is from Target. The shoes I purchased for Tango lessons! (When Willie says the outfit looks Korean, I think he’s got a point, and that’s probably why I put it together that way, because I didn’t want to discourage any possible contacts by looking like a don’t-care-enough-to-bother with my image typical American. Many women here dress very sophisticated business-dress, but always seem to add some ruffles or some other overly feminine stuff.) Now that spring is here, though, I’m realizing I can relax with the pretentiousness and just dress myself. When winter and it’s formality rolls around again, I’m going to hold onto that independence and see where it takes me.

    Little known secret is that the adjummas in the audience are paid to be there and gasp and cry, clap and mmmm. I was told they are the same adjummas every week, and they are just given different apparel items to look different! And yeah, that music is something else. They put you in swivel stools and then tell you not to swivel and not to cross your legs. And the plastic flowers on the set…

    I just wish they hadn’t gone through a dry run with me prior to going on the set – it was emotionally upsetting and all their little instructions just made me more tense, self-conscious and stiff.

    weird experience. but glad for the opportunity.

    Thanks for the BRAVO!

  3. You did at least better job than I did. I was asked to look straight but all I did was looking at left and right. Seriously, you will very fine.

    Hearing your story, my anger came out again at the adoption agency. They did everything they could to make it impossible for us to search our families.
    Making up your name proves they had something to hide.
    God, is there a special hell for Holt agency staff? If, as born again Christians, the Holt staff really ends up in the heaven, then I don’t want to be in the heaven.

  4. Well, to be fair, I don’t know if it was Holt or the policeman or Wonju City Hall that made up my name.

    But the INCOMPETENCE of Holt knows no bounds. How can they not know what orphanage they got me from? I mean, if I could find out where I was those first four days, that is HUGE. There might still be someone alive there who might know about me. There might be yet another piece of paper with more information there, as is often the case at the original orphanage. How come ALL my documents weren’t copied into my files at Holt International?

    The processing of children didn’t matter to Holt. It was the ends, not the means that mattered. It was then, and still is today, all about filling orders for the waiting, paying, adoptive parents.

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