God damn it if I wasn’t late.

Stupid me, I thought I’d figured out this subway thing, but I started out by going in the WRONG DIRECTION this morning.  I figured out an alternate route (it would have been quicker if I’d back-tracked) and ended up having to make several transfers.  The lines are color coded, so that’s easy.  But you get disoriented once you’re down there, and you don’t know which direction you’re going.  The trains are listed for their main and final destinations, so you have to follow the lines on your map to their conclusion – and the lines are long.  So many of the stops sound similar, it’s easy to screw it up.

On the way home, I fell asleep through my transfer point, had to get off and turn around, then I followed the transfer to my line but it was only going in the wrong direction!  I asked for help, and the guy pointed me to where I’d just come from, which was perpendicular to where I wanted to go.  So I did as he said and ended up going on the original lane again, so I had to double back.  This time I followed the transfer line and sure enough, it was only going one direction.  I went back to the original line and where the guy told me to go, and on the other side was my transfer line.  Seems the other direction had been closed and it had been re-directed to this other, perpendicular platform, and probably there were signs that everyone in Korea could read BUT ME.  Frustrating way to lose an hour of your life.

But I digress – we’re supposed to be talking about KBS.  First, they made me sign a statement that you will definitely go through with a televised reunion if they find someone.  Then, they made me go stand outside and get filmed saying my name and my name in Korean, and then I was supposed to ad-lib about 8 lines about myself and why I was in Korea.  They just wanted me to come up with any old thing, and told me it would be subtitled in Korean and wouldn’t match anything I said.  They just wanted footage of me mouthing in English, basically.

Then, I and the other searchers went up to a conference room with four directors & assistants to get interviewed.  One woman and her husband(?) appeared to be searching for her father, and she brought along a lot of old photos.  I wondered if he was possibly stolen by the North Koreans or something.  And then there was another man who just talked and didn’t have any photos and I couldn’t tell who he was searching for or why.  And then it was my turn.

They wanted to know about my adoption in America, and I told them it wasn’t good.  They asked why I wanted to search, so I started with my parents dying, and then looking to thank my foster mom, and then finding out I didn’t have a foster mom, and then I went over the fight with Holt International to get Holt Korea to get me my documents.  They seemed to understand most of what I said in English.  Then we went over the trip to Wonju, and my interpreter chimed in at that point.  They asked if the other girl in my document might be my sister, and then I told them about my fight with Holt International to contact her, and how they refused to send her my letter, and how I didn’t trust the way my case was presented to her.  I explained that we had different family names and ages, but that on the Wonju document it said we were the same age and that our names were made up.  I was actually surprised I was able to talk about my struggles with Holt, but I don’t know how far that will go in regards to the show.  They asked why I came to Korea, and I explained about how this struggle to find out my history occurred at the same time as a lack of architecture work due to the economy, that my kids were making their own lives, and that it was time to find out about my culture.

There were a few problems because I didn’t have my mailing address with me, I don’t have a phone yet, I can only be reached by email, and I start work next week.  They told me that since I will be living here several years, they might take their time contacting me.  I told them I was actually a little concerned about the time because I am older and afraid my parents might die before I find them.  Well, then, I was told I would be called, but all things will have to wait until I get a phone. So, Wednesday I am going to put a deposit on a loner from G.O.A.L  But then my bank account will be short for David’s tuition payment.   I get paid on that day too, so doubtful it will clear in time.  Oh well.  I guess one NSF is worth finding my family before they die.  In the taxi to the subway, Hae Yee reiterated that they wanted to know more ABOUT ME, and that the family search researcher would be calling me for a more intensive interview.  This seemed a little unusual to me, since I’ve seen many episodes of this family search program before, and I gave them what most people give – my profession, about my kids, that I want to know my history – same as everyone.  I told Yea Hee well, that’s a problem is they want to know more because I was abused and…Yea Hee’s face TOTALLY LIT UP.  “Really?  you were ABUSED?  Oh!  That is GOOD.  I mean, for your program!”  But, I explained, I don’t want to say anything which might inhibit or discourage my family from coming forward. “But.  But by telling your story you could prevent more children from being (adopted and) abused.”  But, I protested, maybe they will feel too much guilt and shame to come forward.  She says,”It is bad news they will have to know sooner or later.”

So that’s the decision I have to make I guess.  I did email the researcher and tell her about my predicament.  I asked for advisement, since I don’t know Korean culture.  Maybe there is a way to reveal all in a manner which will make ahmoni and ahboji want to contact me even more as a result…

Tomorrow it’s ten hours of school functions (all in Korean – me being the only one who doesn’t understand any Korean – Lord, let me stay awake somehow) and giving a little hello address to the school.  Where I will talk about being a bridge between cultures, and yadda yadda.  Bizarre.

Okay, first off it is VERY WEIRD to leave the apartment without a key:  I keep feeling like I’m screwing myself somehow everytime I leave, knowing the door will lock down by itself.  I have to remind myself that it opens with a keycode and fight all the impulses to go and get the key.  There IS a key, only I don’t know why or when you’d ever use it.  I just have to recondition myself that my door is high-tech and to just let it go.

Second, it’s VERY WEIRD to open the door and not reach for a light switch.  The light goes on automatically when you open the door.  The problem is that it doesn’t stay on very long and there is no switch handy, so if you are struggling with taking off your boots or not quick about taking off your coat, the light goes out and there you are in the dark, and you have to position ourself under the motion detector and jockey around until the light goes back on.

The Vice Principal purchased bathroom slippers for me and I keep forgetting to use them.  I’m trying to train myself to always put them on but I keep forgetting.  I’m training myself so in the event I am ever a guest somewhere, I don’t look like an unwashed heathen.  WHY we’re supposed to put them on escapes me.  Maybe it’s because the bathroom floor is not heated like the rest of the apartment?  Or is it an over-preoccupation with preventing foot fungus?  And if that’s the case, how do you clean your feet when you’ve got plastic slippers on?  And then stupid me, I take them off in the bathroom as I’m leaving, and then when I return to the bathroom, the slippers are on the wrong side of the door – too far away to put on, since the door opens in.  So I guess you’re supposed to BACK out of the bathroom so you can deposit your slippers in the right direction in front of the bathroom door!  At the Emart, there are dozens of these bathroom slippers for sale.  There seems to only be one two sizes:  adult and childrens.  And of course, I am neither and they are just huge on me.  You can tell they are bathroom slippers because they have extra thick soles, and the soles have drainage patterns cut out of them in cute shapes.  I was watching some Korean housewives lingering/drooling over bathroom slippers and wondering what the big attraction was…or why they are even necessary.  Maybe if your husband is gross and has stinky feet…

Koreans don’t walk – they shuffle.  They don’t seem to walk heel first, so the head does not rise and fall like westerners as they rock forward from their heels to the balls of their feet.  It’s as if they walk as if they are wearing bathroom slippers all the time, even when they have street shoes on!  Unlike the Cuban shuffle, there is no maximizing the weight shift and none of the hip swaying which seems to naturally go along with walking flat-footed.  Instead, the body stays pretty tight and rigid.  It’s more of a glide, but a sexless glide.

Koreans have incredible balance.  So many of them don’t even hang onto any of the straps or poles on the subway.  They just plant their feet and sway with it.  Pretty impressive.  I’d be on my ass in a second.

Korean movies are always about human pathos.  Last night I couldn’t sleep and flipped through the channels.  Happily, I landed on a black and white movie from the 60’s.  It had all the cinematographic elements of our movies from the 60’s – the film noir feel, the crisp sharp contrast, the great use of light, the wonderful characters – but the every day life so depicted was just CHOCK FULL of traditional Korean-ness.  Like traditional clothes with a western blazer.  Traditional homes.  Traditional values.  Love amid the hay bales.  Squalor.  Scandal and desception in the city.  A con game and a loan shark.  Rape and murder.  But it was all such a vivid snapshot of what Korea once was.  No wonder my friend Kimmette cried when she returned to Seoul.  It now looks like some sci-fi nightmare of concrete housing blocks, engulfing everything.

However, Korean quality of life is sooo high.  Perhaps higher than American, even.  Innovations are around every corner.  At some of the stores I couldn’t open the door.  Silly me, the door doesn’t have handles and you don’t push them – you press a button and they slide open.  When you go to the Emart, the carts are all chained together.  You place a coin in this tray, you slide the tray in, and the cart comes free.  Instead of escalators, they have people movers which are sloped between floors.  I nearly freaked out when my co-teacher pushed our cart onto the people mover, fearing it would slide and take out the people in front of us.  But the carts have magnetic boots surrounding the rear wheels, and they lock down tight to the people mover belt, so there is no way to move the cart at all.  When you return the cart, you click the next cart’s chain into your cart, and the tray pops out with your coin.

There’s probably lots more I’m forgetting right now, but I’ll add later.

I can’t quite figure out how people socialize here.  Only been here a week, so who knows.  One answer might be what I found when I walked around my neighborhood again, and those buildings I took videos of?  Five floors of mostly bars.  Bars upon bars upon bars.  Stacked.  Stacks and stacks of bars.  I sat down next to a businessman about 11 am today, and he just reeked of Soju.  I got in the elevator about 9 pm to go down to the 5th floor to have a smoke in the deserted terrace, and the man in the elevator just reeked of soju.  The smell of man in Korea is cigarettes and soju.

Oh – and did I mention that I’ll be teaching at a private school?  My co-teacher turned to me the other day and asked, “Are you religious?”  No.  “Oh.  Because you did know this was a missionary school, didn’t you?”  Turns out that the provincial school district I am in also has some jurisdiction over private schools.  So I am a public school teacher for a private school.  Yeah, still scratching my head over that one.  Anyway, I get to sit in on an all school religious service every Monday as a result.  Yayy…

Sorry I haven’t replied to any comments – barely been time to breathe…things should get lighter soon.

In response to the latest from Rachel:

re:  my schedule

Initially, I was supposed to have two weeks prior to school starting to leisurely begin my birth family search.  Due to the mis-communication with my job recruiter and my school, my school duties began straight away, dovetailed in with my birth family search, leaving me practically zero down time.  Instead of two weeks spent at the Koroot adoptee guest house, I was moved into my apartment on the third day.

School here goes year-round and is split into two semesters.  (and two teacher hiring cycles)  Right now is winter break, and school starts again March 2nd.  Prior to school starting are school teacher functions, a cultural orientation I must attend, and in April a week long new teacher orientation.

My pre-interview at the KBS tv station was today, which I will post about.  Pre interviews are on Mondays.  The live broadcasts are on Fridays.  They could call me anytime for any broadcast any Friday during the upcoming year.  The TV show is a show specifically about finding lost loved ones.  It’s not specifically for adoptees, but they are often featured on it.  It has a high success rate, as almost a million people tune into it.  It is the last hope for those of us with little or no records.

Mandu is the Korean equivalent of gyoza or potstickers:  basically dumplings made of wrappers around a filling.  Unlike gyoza or potstickers, Korean mandu have a huge variety of fillings – from kimchee to mashed potatoes to mushrooms to the usual meat fillings.  They are also added to soup, which is called chiggae.

More on menus and stuff in the next post…

I haven’t seen any schoolgirls in uniform yet, since it is break time, so I don’t know how short the skirts are!  In Thailand, the skirts were very long – until the girls reached college age (yes, they have to wear uniforms to college!) then the skirts ran the whole gamet of styles and length, but predominantly micro-mini – it didn’t matter as long as the skirt was the right color.  From what I’ve seen on Kdramas, though, the skirts here are pretty uniform in looks and length, and not short.

OK!  On to some more observations about Korea, and then the KBS pre-interview.

FRIDAY

Well, It took me awhile to get up and around and finished putting my stuff away.  Left around noon to search for my missing credit card.  Found Idae just fine, but could only pinpoint the shop where I bought my coat.  Had to mime losing a credit card to three employees who insisted they didn’t have anything.  Then had to mime asking them to rummage through their desk to look.  They gave me spare coat buttons and sent me on my way.  Turns out the card was in my rear pants pocket all along! The one place I had forgotten to check.  Relieved, I wandered around shopping street in Idae and let myself get lost all around Ewha Women’s University.  Even splurged and had a Dunkin Donut.

Stopped at a half dozen shoe places looking for walking shoes, since I brought mostly high heeled boots or shoes with princess heels on them.  The paving pattern on the sidewalks is constantly changing materials and texture, and is often cobbled together.  And most young women here are wearing 3″-4″ stillettos.  It’s absolutely insane.

My greatest fear here is one of those girls will fall off her heels on the steps down to the subway platforms.  The steps are beyond wide at the bigger transfer stations, there are no middle hand rails, and it would only take one little girl to start a domino pile-up of human bodies crushing each other to death.

There’s something strange about the pedestrian traffic patterns underground.  They are walking to the left underground, while above ground it is what you or I are used to, walking to the right.  Mi-Young said that this is what they do in Japan, and for some reason also what they do in Korea.  The confusing thing is that I can’t always figure out when this walking to the left begins.  Sometimes it seems to begin as soon as you descend the stairs leading down to the subway, sometimes it seems to not begin until once you are down one level.  It is also customary to stand to the far right while walking to the left, so that those in a hurry can zip past you.  Yet with all of these location rules, the handrails are still at the outer walls.  So just to play it safe, I find myself walking down the middle of the steps, which could be construed as walking to the left but staying courteously to the right OR which could be construed as walking to the right.  For custom’s sake, it’s easier to just walk down the middle when I’m not sure, but hell if it’s not harder because there’s nothing to hold onto.  So…if I can avoid wearing heels while traveling on the subways in Seoul, you bet I’m going to.  Screw looking fashionable.

The only thing remotely close to walking comfort seemed to be UGG ballet flats, but I would never pay that much money for so little material no matter where in the world I was at.  Besides which, they of course didn’t have anything to fit me.  It seems nobody had anything to fit me.  Finally I found some little ballet flats on sale for $10.  All leather, really nice.  And they fit!  Seems KOREAN or CHINESE women’s shoes are made down to size 225, which is equivalent to a U.S. size 4.  Oh happy day!  So now I know to look for size 225, and life is beautiful.  Most of the best-looking shoes only go down to 240, though, so I am still pretty limited.

Almost had a food emergency and stopped at a tiny little shop that featured Mandu.  Since it was the only thing I could see being made, I ordered it.  But of course, a local college student guy ordered something totally different from the menu written on the wall.  I was given EIGHT Mandu the SIZE OF MY FIST plus soup and two banchan for about $3.  Went home full to bursting and watched Korean tv.

Friday night? I went to Dongdaemmon Station to check out what cheap shopping looked like in Seoul.  Open until 4:30 am!  It was totally jaw dropping.  Passed three vertical malls 14? floors high, full to bursting with some pretty decent stuff, totally modern buildings, very trendy stuff.  Live stage outside for promotional bands, etc.  Of course, there were tons of stylish winter coast there for half what I paid for in Idae.  Isn’t that always the case?  I must just tell myself what high quality this coat is.  (It’s a great coat, but not exactly me – I will have to give it to Sara when she comes to visit, as she will love it)  And the prices were outstanding, again for some pretty decent stuff.   And the thing about trendy in Korea is, it’s not trashy, and it’s not ridiculous, and it’s usually well made.

After the trendy malls are old malls.  Maybe about 4 floors high.  These are more like permanent flea-markets inside.  THIS is where the adjosshi’s and adjummas I saw at the airport shop!  Seriously.  Everything is super cheap and looks like vintage 70’s new old stock.  It’s all new, but like out of The Godfather or something.  In a strange way, the styles are kind of cool.  You know – pintucked bowling shirts or patterned polo shirts with porkpie hats, etc.  I think they would look really awesome on some younger kids, though I’m sure everyone here would sooner die than wear what their grandparents are wearing.  The lighting was dark, the piles and piles of clothes and endless stalls of nothing were too much, though, and I moved on.

Across the street from several of these old malls was a mall totally devoted to textiles.  Maybe 4 floors of it.  Endless, endless bolts of fabric, notions, baubles, leather, feathers, laces, etc.  Just miles of fabrics.  It’s like what you’d see in the garment district of Manhatten, but all squished together into one building.  Makes me want to become a fashion designer.  Also makes my head swim thinking about the weeks you’d have to spend there sorting through it all.  Totally overwhelming.

That was enough.  I went back home and went to bed!  But danger, danger, danger.  Dongdaemmon is on the same bus line as me – direct, no stopping, to some of the world’s best fashion shopping values.

SATURDAY

Yesterday went to Emart something like 4 times…It’s only across the street, but I can still only purchase as much as I can carry.  First were must-have household items.  Like a buckwheat pillow so I can actually sleep.  Post it notes, so I can get the translation for my washing machine dial and stick them up, as well as other words in Korean.  Then, it was ironing board and iron, then it was some basic food.

Shopping for food took something like four hours – just because I don’t know how to read Korean and wanted to keep everything I ingest as natural as possible.  Plus, everything is priced and packaged about the same as QFC.  There’s even an entire organic produce and products section, whose prices are out of this world.  (no meat there, though) I tried to buy environmentally friendly cleaning supplies and brought my phrase book with me, but the closest word I could find in the limited dictionary was nature.  The woman didn’t know what I meant by wanting to buy nature, so I found the word “oxy” and hoped that would be the same as the oxyclean stuff in the states.  At the check-out line, after I’d purchased the oxyclean, I saw some all natural cleaning products, of course.

Even in this up-scale grocery, it’s still got some market culture in it.  Barkers shout about the quality of their products and demonstrators acost you while you are shopping and try to convince you to buy their product instead.  Many of the products have samples or gifts to entice you.  Like one product had rolls of toilet paper taped to it.  Another product had mayonnaise.  Another product had a bowl.  Lots of crazy things about shopping in Korea, and I will video it for you later.  (I’m stealing my connection, and it’s not been good enough to load the rest of the shots I took – of Anyang and my apartment)

Then I realized I had a rash all over my limbs, that it was probably from the soap that was given me, and so I went looking for something mild.  Fortunately, Aveeno carries products here.  Got home, took a shower, then slathered on Aveeno soothing moisturizer, and I hope it does the trick.

In the evening, I ran out of cigarettes and decided to explore the neighborhood(?) a little.  My resolve to quit wanes back and forth.  It’s too cold to smoke, and I run down to the 5th floor terrace and smoke there, because it’s not in the public eye.  Women do smoke, but only trash women smoke in public, so you rarely ever see it.  It’s looked down by almost everyone.  But the men – they smoke anywhere and everywhere.  Smoke is the smell of man here, it seems.

Anyway, my area really is a red light district.  There are a handful of motels and about a dozen “businessman’s clubs” and some of those spinning advertisements among the neon are of women dancing.  It all seems behind closed doors – don’t know if that’s always how it is or just because it is so cold.  (There was snow on the ground the other evening)  I think I read somewhere that there was a clean-up of prostitution in Seoul, and that it had zero impact on the johns, because they all just came to Peyongchon station.  There really isn’t any shopping here.  There are a TON of restaurants, (many of them deliver) bars, convenience stores, and those motels.  There are also two Paris Baguettes, the Dunkin Donuts, the Subway, and a Haagen Das ice cream shop.

Actually went partially inside a building, and found a really cheap restaurant, where I ordered the only thing I knew the name of:  (nobody here has English menus, and though some display photos of the food on the walls, mostly it’s all in Hangul text so I can’t know what any of it is)  Bi Bim Bop.  I ate about ten bites and was full, and somehow managed to get it wrapped up to go!  I read that a)it’s hard to order food for only one person and b)it’s impossible to bring food home once you’ve ordered it.  Both of which don’t seem to be true.  I think it is because I stopped at a lower class restaurant that also delivers.  But I can see how this wouldn’t be the case at the majority of restaurants.  Half of which delightfully have not switched to western seating.  Just ate the Bi Bim Bop for brunch.  I think I’m losing weight already in Korea, but don’t know if that’s because I’m walking so much more or because the food is so fat-free.  Neither is the food all that spicey.  But I must say, the salt is a killer.  Those on a low sodium diet be advised…

Purchased two bootleg DVD’s on the street for 6,000 won.  That’s about $2 each.  The won has dropped again against the dollar.  I think it’s something like 1,450 per 1 dollar.  I just round up to 1,500 when trying to convert and think in terms of 3,000 per $2.  It’s a good thing I plan to stay a few years, because this is not the get rich scheme it was back when the won was 900 per dollar.  Anyway, Korean subtitled American movies abound and are available anytime I need a quick fix of American-ness.  It was a good enough movie, and then went to bed.

Today’s agenda is pick out something to wear to KBS tv’s interview tomorrow, do some lesson plan research, and try and (gasp) exercise.  There is something about living in this officetel which is conducive for me to be productive.  My room is like a vault – seriously – with it’s metal hermetically sealed automatic door and its auto light sensor and video call box.  I can’t hear a thing from any of my neighbors either – the walls and floors must be super insulated.  I can only hear someone cough or take a shower from my bathroom.  I think I’ll even be able to practice my bandoneon (except the left side is really whacked out of tune now – not much I can do about that, unfortunately)  My only problem is finding an internet signal that holds up long enough to accomplish anything,

So I’m pretty pleased with how this video turned out – EXCEPT calling the subway station Pyongyang – when it’s actually Pyeongchon.  And NO!!! I do not live at the captiol of North Korea!!!

Even in Korea, Cops hang out by donut shops!

You see the cops everywhere, all over Seoul – standing sentry. Nobody I’ve asked really knows why or what they’re accomplishing. They stand there all day, just looking serious, holding that long stick.

I’m guessing they don’t know the joke about cops and donut shops…